Synopsis: Missing scenes and WHN for the episode, Triangle.
Category: Bonanza
Genre: Western
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,220
I’m not quite sure how I feel, but I’m thankful Pa has allowed me the time to reflect on all that happened. So today, I saddled Sport on my own and rode out, giving Pa a handshake and a smile to let him know how thankful I am that he is the father that he is.
It’s been a rocky month, after forcing myself from my wheelchair to prove to Laura that I didn’t need her and then the following morning I rode out to search for… Little Joe… Joseph… Joe. Yes, my brother Joe. For the past month it has been Joe.
*****
I had no place in mind as I rode out, I just let Sport have his head. It didn’t surprise me when I looked up to see the shell of what was to have been my future. It’s been two months since my fall and a month since my fiancée left Virginia City to marry my cousin.
After stepping from Sport, I loosened his cinch and looped his reins over the pommel of the saddle; I knew he wouldn’t wander too far. I knelt and almost reverently, I ran my hand over the board that was to be the last rafter I had been attempting to put into place. If I hadn’t overbalanced myself and been startled to hear a horse and buggy; there are so many different ways that day could have ended.
Staring at the lumber, I remember Doc Martin saying I was extremely lucky that this board didn’t fracture my skull or even crush it. It could have crushed my ribcage, but all it did was bruise my ribs. The impact from my fall could have paralyzed me, and I realize that had been Joe’s worst fear when he returned home with the doctor.
I know I’m thankful to no longer be confined to my bed or to that blasted wheelchair. I’m free to work the ranch with my father and brothers or to ride into town for whatever the reason.
Stepping through what would have been the front door; I remembered my thoughts of carrying Mrs. Adam Cartwright over the threshold and into our lives together as a family. I’m no longer ensnared in what became an unhappy relationship.
Looking back at the events, I do realize that I was more in love with the idea of marriage and becoming a father to Peggy than I was actually in love with Laura. Being imprisoned in my room for so long and having to watch her enter and leave carrying the trays with my meals; it was like she was performing penance for something.
I thank God that I was allowed that brief peek into what could have been. It would not have been a marriage as my father knew, three times he knew true love; but for Laura and me, it wasn’t love. We were both searching for something… and settled on each other.
At first, I didn’t mind helping Laura out, Frank’s death had been a complete shock. And to see how unprepared she was to maintain the ranch and oversee the hands… I just naturally felt compelled to help; make sure the hands were pulling their fair share and not taking advantage of the young widow. Now, I know I misguidedly mistook feeling sorry for her as love.
But then there was Peggy. For so many years I was there, as Pa’s right hand man in helping bring the Ponderosa to her maturity, as well as my two younger brothers. I guess it shouldn’t have been any surprise for me to want to step in and help guide Laura’s daughter, too.
But that was then. I still miss Peggy, but Laura… Pa received a letter from Will yesterday, they’re now happily married and the three of them are settled in San Francisco. Will has a job lined up as a cattle broker and Peggy is settling in nicely at school. And it seems that Will and Laura are the hit of their new neighborhood; hosting parties and attending social engagements. I’m happy for them.
Moving from room to room, I envisioned what could have been, but no longer mourned my loss. It felt… liberating.
*****
Me… I’ve become closer to Joe lately. It seems that my accident and the breaking of my engagement were good for something after all. Hoss will always be Hoss, and our relationship is just as easy going as ever. But Joe seems to have matured, and it has shaken me, a little. I mean, wasn’t this what I always wanted, for Joe to grow up? Joe’s taken more of a keen interest in the running of the ranch, and the books. You could have knocked me down with a feather three weeks ago when Joe entered the house and saw me at Pa’s desk working on the ledgers, he asked if once he was cleaned up if I’d really show him how to manage the books. Not just making entries, but balancing the accounts.
I remember looking at Joe and for the life of me I no longer saw my little brother, I saw a man, a partner. For three weeks it’s been this way, no arguing, just an understanding. Together we’ve kept the books up to date and discussed several contracts that are coming for renewal.
And then there was last night… and Will’s letter. At first I didn’t understand it, but now… standing in my past I can see everything so clearly. Joe’s comment before he headed up to bed, though said in jest, held so much emotion, “I got one less problem without you.” It was his way of letting me know that he was giving me his blessing and that he could accept my deepest secret.
Maybe I should talk with Pa… Or maybe Pa already knows and that’s why I’m here today. Pa knows I want to leave… No, I don’t want to leave the Ponderosa, but I do want to see what else is out there; across the oceans. I’ve read of lands and people; strange and mysterious, so different from what I’ve experienced so far in my life. I want to visit the locations of the masterpieces of literature. Who knows, maybe sometime I’ll find her… the woman who is meant to complete me.
No, the Ponderosa will always be my home of homes and where my family lives, but me… Beyond family, there’s so much more to life than cattle and horses, lumber and mineral ore. There’s a whole other life to live beyond the borders of the Ponderosa.
Yes, Joe knew and so does Pa. And if they know, then Hoss knows.
Stepping from the incomplete home and walking across the barren land, I accepted that this was my past. If not tomorrow… soon, I’ll embrace my future.
With a spring in my step I reached for Sport’s reins, ‘Look out world, Adam Cartwright is taking a page out of his little brother’s book, I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m coming none the less.’
~The End
The phrase from this challenge: ‘I got one less problem without you.’
This story inspired by the episodes The Waiting Game through The Triangle, credits given to their respective authors.
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