Home – #13 (by Robin)

Summary:  Part thirteen of Home

Word Count:  13,333

 

 

                                                         Home

 

 

Early June 1874

Ponderosa Ranch, Nevada

 

Chapter 1

 

Joe had drunk numerous cups of coffee, telling himself it would help him to concentrate. In truth, each cup was just an excuse for a break from the interminable, insufferable, pages of figures and notations in the ranch ledgers. He hated working on the ledgers and always had hated it.

 His father had once even tried using posting entries into the ledger as a punishment for Joe when he got too old to take over his knee. Ben thought better of it when it had taken him and Adam the better part of a month to unravel the mess Joe’s bad handwriting and sloppy addition had made.

Joe had found every excuse he could not to tend to the Ponderosa paper work, but at some point, Joe realized had absolutely no choice and forced himself to spend that cold day bringing them up to date. Neither Adam nor his father was in any shape to deal with them and Joe had no other alternative.

He licked the tip of his pencil and added the last column of figures for the second time. He came up with the same answer both times and slammed the cover of the heavy book shut. He was finally done.

Joe couldn’t stand being inside the house for even one second longer. He was positive his head would explode or he would jump out of his skin if he didn’t get out in the air and do something physical. He needed to do something that didn’t involve adding numbers and keeping his nose in a book or sitting at his father’s desk.

First, he checked that his father was all right dozing by the fireplace with a book in his lap and that Eric was still napping upstairs wrapped tightly in his covers. The boy was clutching Joe’s old nightshirt in his hands as if having the garment near was the same as Joe being nearby. Joe told Hop Sing he would be back in a while. He had to get away on his own and think.

He went out to the barn and patted Cochise. “Hey Coochie. Let’s get out of here for a while.” Joe threw his saddle on the horse and tightened the girth. He galloped out of the yard glad to feel the fresh wind on his face. The late spring day was cold but clear.

The cherry trees the Cartwrights had planted years earlier were past full bloom, the pale blossoms slightly past their peak. Each gust of wind blew petals like snowdrifts onto the ground. Two days earlier, Joe remembered, the trees were breath takingly beautiful, the slender boughs were filled with pink, frothy sweet blossoms. Today, as Joseph looked the branches were beginning to look bare and the ground was filled with fallen flowers.

Joe rode Cochise up to the graveyard and stared at the water. He hadn’t remembered feeling this ill at ease and scared since he was a tiny child. It must have been just after his mother had died and Joe was totally afraid every time his Pa was out of his view. He realized that must be what Eric was feeling but far more intensely. Joe hadn’t been right there when his own mother, Marie was injured. She had died from a terrible mishap, not an intentional murder. And more importantly he still had his Pa and Adam and Hoss and his own home to hang on to after his mother was gone.

 Poor little Eric had no parents and had lost everything that was familiar to him his whole life except the Cartwrights. The Cartwrights would never know for sure what the boy had witnessed at the Massey Mine that made him loose his ability to speak or smile. All they could do was wait and hope that some day Eric would return to the sunny little boy he had been earlier.

Joe looked out at the tombstones. Marie Cartwright. Hoss Cartwright. Dean Newkirk. All of them died in just an instant. One minute they were alive and the next they were dead. Joe had never had the chance to say good-bye to any one of them.

In the last month Joe was almost sure he would be burying his father up here from the fever and his brother Adam from the mine cave in.

Pa still wasn’t fully recovered. Ben wasn’t going to die but Joe knew their roles were drastically changed and suddenly swapped. Joe was taking care of his father and Ben was leaning on his son instead. Joe was the one making sure the Ponderosa was running.

Joe was in charge of the whole Cartwright family.

As he sat and looked out at the tranquil trees gently blowing in the wind Joe thought about the twists and turns his life had taken the last few months. Pa was supposed to be in charge of everything and making sure it all ran smoothly.

Pa always took care of everything in Joe’s universe or Adam. Adam was in charge when Pa wasn’t around not Little Joe, not Joseph Francis Cartwright. They were all supposed to take care of him and protect him always. They made sure that there was no monster under Little Joe’s bed and that the Ponderosa bills were paid and the ledgers balanced. All Joe had to do was be tucked in, charge things to the Ponderosa account and occasionally bring papers into the bank in Virginia City.

Joe was the one who was always complaining they watched over him too much and called him a boy for far too long. He bristled every time they called him “kid” or second guessed his decisions or yanked him out of some excitement by the scruff of his neck.

Pa raised his sons to know that being an honorable man was paramount in life. An honorable man did his duty, however unsavory or difficult or uncomfortable. Duty to his family and to his friends had always been strong in Ben Cartwright his entire life and that was how he raised his boys. Joe and his brothers had learned the lessons very well.

Now with Pa sick and Adam hurt in the mine cave in, Joe abruptly found himself the head of the family. Not even Katie couldn’t help him out. She was hugely pregnant and taking care of sick children, an injured husband and the Enterprise. Right now, even Kate needed Joe to help her too and Joe was struggling to keep his head above raging waters.

Joe even found himself lying to his father.

Ben was too sick to face anything disturbing and Doc Martin had advised Joe not to upset his Pa until he was stronger. When Ben asked what was going on, Joe had told Pa that everything was perfectly fine and under control. Many times recently even when it truly wasn’t, Joe said everything was perfect.

Joseph couldn’t bear telling his father that Roy Coffee had died from the fever until two days after his death and Ben was finally a bit better himself.

That morning, Joe carried up a breakfast tray and calmly urged his Pa to eat. Eric stood at the foot of his grand father’s bed and patted his feet under the covers.

Joe carefully put the tray on the top of the dresser until he helped his father sit up in bed. Joe silently fluffed up Ben’s pillows trying to think how he was going to break the bad news. He avoided meeting his father’s eyes.

“Joseph, don’t mother hen me. What is going on here?” He stared at his son, waiting for an answer. “Turn around and look directly at me, Joseph.” Joe stopped cold. Pa could always see through him, especially when he was upset.

Joe took a breath, “Pa, Roy Coffee died two nights ago.”

“From the fever?” Ben asked.

Joe nodded, “Yes sir, from the fever.”

Tears welled up in Joe’s hazel eyes. He had known Roy his whole life. Little Joe and Nancy Coffee and Katie had sat side by side in school and Roy was like family. The sheriff had always made sure to watch out for Joe even when he was his wildest and had kept Joe out of trouble many times over the years.

“Roy is dead?” Ben asked again. Roy was one of his oldest and dearest friends.

”Pa. You know that Roy had been ailing the last year, you know that. Doc said he just didn’t have the strength to fight the fever. His heart wasn’t at all strong enough. But, Pa, you are a strong man. You are just gonna be fine.” Joe was reassuring himself as much as he was telling Ben, perhaps more so at this point. “You are going to be fine, Pa”

Joe saw his father’s shoulder slump lower as Ben began to accept the fact that over three days of his life were unaccounted for when he was victim of the fever. He had slept them away like the Ponderosa Rip Van Winkle. Ben was still sleeping more than he was awake. He took a sip of his coffee and pushed the rest of the food away. Joe didn’t even attempt to urge him to eat.

Ben Cartwright insisted on going to the funeral of his old friend despite Joe’s protests of him not being well enough.
”If you don’t take me, Joseph, I will get there on my own. I’m going with or without you.” Ben roared. Roy Coffee had been one of his closest friends for decades. There was no way Ben was not going to pay his last respects to Roy Coffee.

Joe helped Ben get dressed. Then he drove him into the church bundled up in the rig with Eric silently sitting beside them. At least Ben agreed not to stand in the raw cold at the burial and went home right away but Ben wound up flat on his back in bed for another week after the funeral with a resurgence of the fever.

A few days later, Eric got sick. He ran a high temperature for a few days and slept quietly. Joe and Hop Sing went back and forth between them round the clock. Even after the fever ended, the boy was listless and pale. Ben brought him into his big bed and tried to read to him and cajole him into eating a bit.

“At least you don’t have to run back and forth between two rooms and Eric is less alone if he is in here, Joe” As silent as the child had been before he got ill, he was even more silent and unresponsive afterward.

Little by little both grandfather and grandson regained their strength. Eric still never spoke or smiled and just sat quietly. Paul Martin examined him and advised the Cartwrights to be patient and give the child some more time.

 “The only occasion I have seen a child like this was years ago, when the Cavalry found some children who had been stolen by the Apaches after they attacked a settlement. The children had survived the harsh captivity for months. They had witnesses the violent death of their parents as well as the slaughter of most of the cavalry battalion that had been sent to retrieve them.
The physician was afraid to tell the Cartwrights that the youngsters never really recovered and always were silent and had a strange haunted look until they died. Some say they died from a broken heart longing for the dead parents.

Paul prayed that his friend’s grandson would recover but he resolved that if Eric didn’t improve by summer, he would tell Ben to take the child to San Francisco to some specialists there. No need to tell them that now. They had enough to handle as it was and if the boy got better, there would be no need to discuss the specialists.

Joseph thought he was handling everything fine until the last few days when they had some minor difficulties at the lumber mill and a couple of problems with some new hands in the bunk house. Neither of the situations were especially big problems and Joe straightened them out almost immediately.

The next afternoon, Casey Newkirk came to Joe in the barn as he was hitching up the buckboard to go into Virginia City to check on Adam’s family and pick up supplies. Eric was calm and quiet and Joe thought he could get into town for a few hours without problem.

“Mr. Ben said I should go along with you and lend a hand, Joe.”

Joe smiled at Casey as he looked up from buckling the harness. Casey looked more and more like his late older brother every day. He had the same white blonde hair and lake blue eyes as both his brother Dean and his father Hays Newkirk.

“New jacket Casey?”

“No, Joe It was my brother’s. I finally fit into some of Dean’s things. Don’t it look good? Sleeves were a little long but my Ma fixed them.” Casey smiled and stuck out his arms. For an instant Joe could see his oldest friend, Dean standing smiling in front of him.

“You look mighty fine, Casey. Just like Dean.”

“Mr. Ben said the same thing,” Casey smiled proudly. He missed his brother dreadfully as Joe missed Hoss. That was part of the reason they had become so close in recent years. Casey admired Joe and hoped to work on the Ponderosa forever.

As they loaded the wagon in front of the General Store, Casey jumped in back to rearrange one of the nail kegs to make room for a sack of feed. A passing wagon startled the team and they took a few steps forward. The wagon jarred and Casey lost his balance. He tumbled backwards into the dirt street injuring his arm badly as he fell.

Joe brought him by the Doc’s office and sat shaking in the waiting room while Doc tended to Casey in the examining room. Joe kept seeing the image of Dean Newkirk being shot dead and falling backwards from his horse in front of him in the posse hunting for the men who killed Hoss.

By the time Paul Martin had come out of the examining room to tell Joe that Casey would be fine in a month with a cast on the broken wrist, he found Joseph trembling and in a cold sweat. He had to pour him a brandy and sit with him for close to an hour until Joe stopped shaking enough to ride home with young Casey.

That old feeling of fear and panic came flooding back in waves. Joe nearly lost his brother, Adam in an instant. Just like they had lost Hoss. Joe had almost killed Jack Fischer and if Clem Foster hadn’t pulled him off the mine owner, Joe probably would have beaten him far worse than he had; maybe even killed him. Fischer owed Clem some old favors and promised not to press criminal charges against Joe other wise he probably would be sitting in jail for criminal assault or attempted murder.

“Just this once, Clem. But I won’t forget it, Joe. You Cartwrights got by this time, but I won’t forget this!” Jack promised as he held a handkerchief to his bloody and broken nose.

As much as Joe had been in plenty of fights before, this violent one with and his own out of control fury frightened him to his core. If Clem and his deputy hadn’t pulled him off Jack, Joe wouldn’t have been able to stop pounding him.

Sitting by the graves, it was getting cold and the sun was starting to go down. Joe put his collar up and stuck his hands deep into his pockets as he stood and looked at his brother’s grave. In a few weeks, he would go back up to the Massey Ranch and bring Andrea back to the Ponderosa. They would bury her next to Hoss where she belonged. The two sweethearts would finally be together, side by side forever like they deserved. Then Eric could at least have a place to bring flowers to his mama, just as Joe brought bouquets to Marie’s grave.

Fear makes you not take anything for granted ever again Life could change in just an instant.

It was at that very moment, sitting quietly in the little grave yard watching the blooms drift off the cherry trees that Joe made his final decision. He couldn’t stand this crazy unsettled life anymore. If Meg Thackery was going to be his at all, they had to be together right now. If Meg was determined to help him care for Eric like she offered, Joe knew he had to do it right away and not wait any longer. Too much could happen and he could lose her also. He had lost too many people in his life to lose Meg too.

 Hoss and Andrea had waited and they never, ever got together. He was not going to spend any more of his life chasing this woman around. He wanted someone he could count on and Joe, in turn would stand by Meg forever. Not just someday, not just part time, not just for some romance and good times and laughs; Joe wanted Meg for the rest of his life. He wanted her in a way he never wanted a woman before.

 Joe had to go back to the house because couldn’t leave Eric much longer. Pa would be too worn out if Eric woke up and got to crying for Joe. Kicking his heels into Cochise he galloped back to the house in the fading light. He was more positive than he ever was about the decision he was making. Joe just had to figure out his strategy and how he would accomplish what needed to be done. With some careful planning and lining the ranch work up before he left, Joe could go to Genoa by the end of the week.

Joe was determined that he would ride up to the Thackery’s house and force Meg to marry him right away. Either Joe would come home with firm arrangements made for a wedding or that would be the end of seeing Meg Thackery forever. . She would marry him now or he had to end it all.

 

Chapter 2

 

Night after night for the next week, as exhausted as he was, Joe lay awake in his bed in his dark room, trying to think of the best way to explain to Meg what he wanted, what he needed. He had to convince her once and for all that he was done with this fooling around. In his head, he rehearsed the conversation with her over and over until he was sure of what he would say.

Over the years, he had played around and flirted with other women but he knew now they didn’t mean a thing compared to Meg Thackery. It was Meg he needed. It was Meg he wanted and if he couldn’t have her as his wife Joe didn’t want anyone else. He had to lay his cards on the table even if it meant he risked losing her forever. Joe knew for sure he couldn’t manage this back and forth romance any more, not with all the responsibilities he was shouldering.

 Joe spent several hours tossing and turning in his bed; mulling his decision until he was finally certain he’d made the right one. Just before dawn as he was finally dozing off, Eric cried out. Joe jumped out of his bed and hurried down the hall to Hoss’s old bedroom praying that the little boy didn’t wake up Ben.

Before he even reached the door way he saw his father sitting on the edge of Eric’s bed trying to soothe his grandson, much as he had many years earlier with his own boys.

“Pa, go back to bed, please. You need your sleep.”
” So do you Joe. We are fine.” He wiped Eric’s tears and rubbed the boy’s trembling back.

“Joe, Joe!” Eric sat up and reached out his arms to his uncle.

“Looks like we are all up now. I’m going downstairs to start the coffee. May as well get up for the day,” Ben sighed. He brushed a quick kiss on his grandson’s forehead and then stood up and walked down the hall.

“Let’s get dressed Sweetie” Joe as he broke the little boy’s tight embrace. Joe knew that today was the day.

“We got plenty of work to do today.”  Joe planned his strategy. He would make sure Eric stayed awake all day. Then Joe could put him to bed early. Joe could ride out towards Genoa until it was too dark or he and Cochise couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore. He could make camp, sleep a while and then be at the Thackery’s for breakfast. That way, Pa would just have to manage Eric for a day or maybe two at worst. Joe took a seat at the foot of Eric’s bed and helped him get dressed. Joe talked to him as Eric stared at his uncle’s face.

“Now I’ll get dressed and we can have breakfast and go fix fences. All day until you are real worn out. No nap for you either. You gotta keep your eyes open for Uncle Joe all day today.”

Eric nodded and silently followed Joe down the stairs.

“How are you doing Pa?” Ben was checking some papers at his desk, a cup of steaming coffee next to him.
”I’m fine. I’m really back to normal”

Joe stared at him and shook his head. Ben still hadn’t rebounded from his illness.

“Pa, I know you my whole life and you aren’t real good at this. You have always been a poor hand at lying.” Joe looked at his fathers fragile appearance.

”I guess I am still a little wobbly. Ben nodded, affectionately slipping an arm around his son as they walked to the table. Eric trailed silently behind the two men.

“I feel like I’m not pulling my own weight, or doing my share of the work around here.” Ben sighed.

”Pa, you’ll be back to normal soon enough. How many times did you do my share or Adam’s or Hoss’s when we were sick or hurt? What chores did I do for the better part of a year when I got hurt and then all that time I was laying in bed in Boston? You never told me I wasn’t pulling my weight when I was ailing, Pa.”

“I just don’t like being sick.”  Ben shook his head glumly.

Joe couldn’t help laughing despite himself. “Gee, Pa, you sound just like me and I sound like you. How many times did you holler at me for getting out of bed when I was sick or banged up and how many times did you tell me to be patient and take my time get better?”

Ben smiled as he lifted Eric onto his chair. “Guess it is a bit hard for me to take my own wise advice. “He really looks like Hoss,” Ben kissed his grandson’s head and tucked the red checkered napkin into the boy’s collar.

“He sure does,” Joe agreed looking at the boy’s sad blue eyes. “He hardly looks like Andrea or the Lowells one bit. He is all Hoss.”

Ben smiled and for a minute watched Eric. “And Inger’s blonde hair too.”

Ben sat at the head of the table and dug into his bowl of porridge. ”Joseph, when you loose you child you loose your future.”
”Eric is our future Pa. We got Eric.”

The little boy silently spooned oatmeal into his mouth paying absolutely no attention to the conversation around him.

 

Chapter 3

 

Joe set forth from the Ponderosa as soon as he put Eric to sleep for the night. It wasn’t even dark yet but Joe had made sure the child took no nap and by four o’clock, Eric had fallen soundly asleep sitting in a big chair on the porch.

Ben came to stand inside the barn door and watched Joe saddle Cochise.

“Pa? Is everything all right? Is there a problem with Eric?” He looked at his father’s pale face. Ben was still recovering from his long illness and was worn out by suppertime. “Do you need me to stay?”

“No, son, we will be just fine.” Ben said softly.

Joe repeated his plan to his father. “It is either getting married to Meg now or it’s over between us.” He tightened the cinch on the saddle.

 Ben put his hand on Joe’s shoulder and said “Are you sure this is what you want to do, son?”
Joe nodded and tied his saddlebag and bedroll on to Cochise. ”Pa, I’m really sure. I know I’m doing the right thing. Much more sure than ever.”

Ben nodded and hugged Joe. “A man’s never wrong, doing what he thinks is right!”

Joe, lingering in the strong arms that had always had the power to make him feel safe and loved and protected from any troubles the world could toss in his path. Joe let his father hold him for a minute longer, enjoying the comforting feeling. “I’ll be home in a couple of days. Pa, wish me good luck.” He pulled away and looked at his father’s pale face. “Take care of yourself and don’t over do it Pa.”

Ben smiled at his son. “Joseph, I may be getting old but I’m not dead yet. We’ll both be fine until you get back.”

Minutes later father and son pulled from each other’s arms and smiled at one another.  Ben watched his son’s face; he looks tired, thought Ben. “You sure you don’t want to wait until morning, son?”

”No Pa. If I go now, Eric won’t even realize I’m gone until morning and then it will only be one night that you need to deal with getting him to sleep. I thought it all out. This is the best way to do it.”

Ben smiled thinking of all the years they all had hollered at Joe to think things out and stop being so impulsive and hot headed. Now Joe was methodically planning things out in the same way he had always complained about Adam.

“Sounds like you have it all figured out, son. You go take care of this situation with Meg once and for all” Ben said softly.  “You have to do what you need to do. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Thanks Pa. I have to settle this once and for all. I can’t go back and forth forever. Are you sure you can manage Eric until I get back.”

”Joe, I raised the three of you boys. I can manage my own grandson for a couple of days. You just hurry up and do what you need to do.”

 “I really better go if I want to make any distance before it gets too dark.”

”At least it is clear tonight and you have a full moon. Just be careful, boy.’ He handed Joe his heavy gloves that he had left on the entryway console.

Joe took the gloves and smiled at his father. “Thanks Pa, I still can’t manage with out you all the time.”

Ben walked next to his son as Joe led the horse out into the yard. “God speed son and good luck.”
Joe vaulted into the saddle and galloped off into the late spring sunset. Ben stood watching until he disappeared behind the pine trees that bordered the ranch road.

 

Chapter 4

 

As he rode on in the gathering darkness, Joe pictured Meg in his mind. He was filled with love for this woman with whom, for some reason, he just couldn’t get to marry him. He could never understand that part of her. His whole life, he had seen women trying to get men to marry them or leaping at the chance to walk down the aisle when their sweet heart proposed.

With Meg it was almost a game between them. Joe would propose and she would say “no”. Joe would tell her how much he loved her and she would say “Thank you”.

In the gathering darkness, Joe rode towards Genoa he trying to sort the whole thing out in his mind. It had been so much fun when it first started. Fire and passion and lots of foolishness and laughing when they got together and sometimes they would even play at fighting and making up. As weeks turned into months and then over a year and then another, Joe realized there was no way he could deal any more with the see sawing of being with Meg and not being with Meg. The unsettledness wasn’t fun any more. Joe didn’t want to wonder what sparks would fly between them. He wanted some sanctuary of calm in his unsettled life.

He rode most of the night and slept for a few hours shivering in his bedroll beside a campfire. Dawn washed away the lonely darkness of the night. Joe had shown up on the Thackery’s doorstep just as Mrs. Thackery had started breakfast. She was shocked to see Joe ride up but delighted to see him.

”Joseph, come inside and warm up. The coffee is almost ready and you can sit at the kitchen table and keep me company while I make breakfast I know you love hot cakes and bacon.”

Joe hugged her and explained why he had come. They looked at each other, hoping that this wouldn’t be the very last time Joe Cartwright sat and ate breakfast with the Thackery family.

 

Chapter 5

 

“I love you to the moon and back. Don’t you want me, Meg? ” They were standing in the cozy, cluttered parlor of her parent’s house. They were alone in the room but both of them knew her mother was listening from the kitchen. Fred and his sons were in Denver handling a big horse auction.

“Yes,” came the soft reply. She hated seeing Joe so forlorn. “Don’t go now. Stay a few more days. I hate when you get here one day and you have to go back home the next. Bring Eric with you next time and stay longer.” She pulled on his sleeve.

“Meg that is not what I meant when I asked if you wanted me. Not just this week. I mean for always. For every day. You said you would marry me a long time ago.” He stared at her with a hunger burning deep inside him but knew he had to keep his mind on the conversation and not any thing else. The night in Stockton, they agreed to get married “someday’ seemed a lifetime ago.

Joe was trying very hard to keep his temper in check, but he just couldn’t do it. His hazel eyes flashed, his jaw tightened, he clenched his fists at his side. He was not going to let Meg get the best of him this time. This was too important to let her goad him into a fight. As much he liked making up with her, Joe knew there was far too much at stake this time. He couldn’t go on with this craziness any more.

“Meg, can’t we just settle this thing? This arguing is getting us absolutely nowhere. Nowhere but down the same road we have been on a hundred times before. ” They had been back and forth for hours. He rubbed his neck. He was stiff and aching from sleeping in the cold and the long hours in the saddle. His bad shoulder was bothering him too.

Meg stopped what she was doing. She gave Joe a hostile glare. “And how exactly do you plan to ‘settle this thing’. What do you want, Joe?”

“You know what I want. Meg I want to be together. I can’t do this back and forth and on and off any more. I want to wake up in my own bed and know you are there beside me.”

”I am, “ she smiled flirtatiously. She stared at him the way that usually melted him or set him on blazing fire. She put her arm around his waist and he pulled back from her. She put her hand on his cheek and he pushed it off.

“I want us to be together all the time, Meg. Every day. Not just when we somehow find ourselves in the same town at the same time or I get the time to travel up here or you decide occasionally to come visit me on the Ponderosa. Or when we are making up from a battle. All the time, Meg. Every day and every night. Forever. Now. Not after we die.” He thought of Hoss and Andrea.

“ Doesn’t bother me. Not one bit. I like to run free. The way things are is perfectly fine. I’ll come and stay with you as long as you like. I’ll live with you on the Ponderosa for a while.”

They both heard a crash from the kitchen where her mother hearing that outrageous remark dropped a plate she was washing. How could her daughter live under the same roof with a man without the benefit of marriage?

Meg flipped her blond braid over her shoulder. She would do just what she wanted as she always did. She didn’t care a fig how much her mother approved or disapproved. “You go home and I go home and then we spend time together. What’s wrong with that? We have a good time, Joe. Does it bother you? I don’t have to be married to you.” She paused waiting to hear another plate shatter in the kitchen.

”You know all this bothers you and you are lying if you say it doesn’t. You were the one who went crazy a few months back when you thought I was seeing someone else. You know I wasn’t. I don’t ever want anyone but you Meg. I haven’t for a real long time. If it didn’t bother you, you wouldn’t care who or what I did when we weren’t together. Is that what you want?” He kept his eyes on her and she didn’t say a word. Neither did he.

Joe heard her take a deep breath and sigh. She didn’t answer for a minute. And then she looked up at him. She still didn’t answer his question.

“I think you were really beginning to enjoy what we had. Now you want to run away again. You may call it running free but I call it running away. I should know all about running. I spent a whole lot of my life running away too. Most of my life I ran as fast as I could.” Joe had never admitted that out loud to anyone but Katie. Once he said it to Cochise practicing how he would argue with Meg.

“Quit Joe!” She hollered at him. “I’ll help you take care of Eric. I’ll come live with you on the Ponderosa. Or you can bring him any time when you come here.”

”That’s not enough. I want to marry you. We have to be married, Meg. Married or nothing.”

“You don’t have to, things are fine the way they are,” she insisted. Her heart spun in circles.

”Things are not fine the way they are. You don’t want to hear the truth Meg!” he hollered back. Joe gripped the arm of the flowered wing chair and tried to control himself but he was having a difficult time. He needed not to shout or loose his self-control. “ I spent more time running away then you can imagine. Meg, by the time my Pa was my age he had three children. I’m tired of running free or running away or just running after you, Meg. I can’t run any more. Who knows what tomorrow is going to be. We can’t wait anymore.”

”I don’t know…” Meg started looking at him. She hated to see Joe so distraught and know she was totally to blame for his despair.

“You don’t know? I know, Meg. I know that I always took the good times for granted and thought it all would last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not good times.” Joe sighed. “I need one thing to count on. Things can change in just an instant Meg. Everything can change in a heartbeat. In an instant.”

“What things? We always have a good time together and when we don’t we make up and then everything is good again.“  She still was not understanding his point or was probably just pretending she didn’t. Meg was too smart not to understand what he was saying.

”No, Meg. Things can change in just an instant. I love you Meg, so much. And I think you love me.” He stared at her waiting for her response.

She nodded in agreement. She couldn’t make her lips say what her heart was feeling.

” I know you love me, Meg. When you find someone you love you better hang on tooth and nail. Everything can change in a minute.”

”Stop Joe,” she said softly turning her back on him. She didn’t want him to see her crying. She bit her lip and scrubbed the tears out of her eyes with her hand.

He wouldn’t stop pursuing her with his words. Joe had to say what he needed to say no matter what the outcome was going to be.

“I lost my brother, Hoss in an instant when he walked in on that bank robbery and got killed and a couple of weeks ago Adam almost died in that mine cave in. In an instant Meg. “ He snapped his fingers and stared at her back. “You know that too. You lost your father and your sisters in just an instant too.”

Quit Joe!” her eye widened with her fury. “Shut up now! Don’t you talk about my father and my sisters!”

Joe’s belligerent tone of voice offered little hope of compromise. “Maybe you want to fight because you were beginning to really enjoy what we had and you are just afraid if you are too happy you will lose it. So if you keep running, then the devil won’t find you and take it all away. Or Indians or Flannery or lightning or whatever you think will do it.” He stepped closer to her and she took a step back.

“I told you Joe, stop it!” She shrieked at him. “I don’t want to discuss this! I’m really postitive.” The figurines and knickknacks in the carved curio cabinet rattled from her loud voice. She picked up a leather bound volume of poetry from the small marble topped table next to the wing chair. Meg juggled it back and forth in her hands nervously and then put it back down. Then she picked up a porcelain figurine of a rearing horse and moved it from one side of the table to the other.

“I though I was really was positive too, Meg. I figured that all the back and forth and just fun times was what I wanted. I was wrong.” He tried hard not to raise his voice.

Meg looked right at him. He thought of the day when he had first come back from the awful summer in Boston, and he and Will sat on the corral fence staring at Meg. That very day, he admired her handling the drunken wrangler. She was the most beautiful woman he ever had seen and the most quick minded. That very instant Joe wanted Meg Thackery and fell in love with her.

”So you were positive? Positive Meggie? Do you remember what I told you that my Pa always said about positive?” Joe stared at her.

 “What did your father say about being positive?” She tilted he head and lifted her chin in the defiant way that Meg always did that melted Joe’s heart and made his temperature rise. Usually by this point Joe would kiss her and then they would be done fighting.

This time Joe wasn’t giving in to her.

“Positive means you are really wrong but at the top of your lungs.” Joe whispered looking directly at her. He knew she remembered the first time he had said that to her but she wouldn’t say so.

Meg stared at him with her indigo eyes flashing. “Maybe you should just find some other woman, Joe. Find someone who can be what you want.” She tried her hardest to make him turn tail and run.

”I don’t want anyone else. If I can’t have you, Meggie, I don’t want anyone else. No other woman but you Meg. No one but you, forever.”

” Why are you making such a fuss now?” She frowned at him.

“Meg, don’t you see that I can’t play around like this any more. Either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Now. This minute. We get married right away, now, tomorrow or as soon as we can. In two weeks, three at most. I have Eric and my Pa to think about. I need to be home taking care of things on the Ponderosa and not gallivanting around the half the state chasing after you.”

She swung her arm and threw the horse figurine angrily at him. Joe was so shocked that she actually threw the porcelain pony at him that he didn’t even duck or jump aside. The statue hit him in the forehead, fell to the floor and shattered against the andirons. For an instant he thought he would be knocked cold.

”Meg!” he gasped. He put his hand to his head and sank to the edge of the maroon flowered armchair.

“I’m sorry Joe! I didn’t mean to hit you I thought you would duck. You always duck.”

 “What do you mean I always duck?’ Joe shouted at the top of his lungs.” You never threw a statue at me before! You never threw any thing at me! Why should I know to duck? Hell! Meg, I’m bleeding!” He looked down at the sticky redness in his left hand. ”Damn it hurts.” He rubbed his head and leaned over in pain.

 She came over and tried to put her arms around him. She stepped on the broken bits of china and they crunched under her boots.

” Don’t Meg. Don’t touch me.” Joe growled rubbing the throbbing wound on his head. He knew once she wrapped her arms around him and he felt her warmth close to him and smelled her lilac perfume he would forget what he needed to do. They would wind up in each other’s arms and never, ever settle the situation. He would go back to the Ponderosa tired out but with the same unsettled, unresolved situation.

“I need an answer, Meg. I love you so much. Are we together, forever or should I just go home? I have to raise Eric and I just can‘t do this anymore. Meg”. Joe was having difficulty controlling his emotions and felt close to tears. He held his left hand to the throbbing lump that was forming on his head and rested his elbows on his knees. He looked at his hand and realized he was bleeding an awful lot.

Meg turned and walked toward the door, leaving Joe seething and bleeding. “I’m going to the auction yard. I’m not going to talk about this any more. She shouted irrationally. All she could think of was to run away as fast as she could.

“I won’t be here when you get back. Meg I want to marry you.”

“Go find someone else.’

 “I don’t want someone else. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone else. Ever.”

 “What do you mean?”

“Now, Meg.”

There was something about that statement, something that smouldered in his eyes as he said it that caused Meg’s breath to catch in her throat.

“Now, Meg.” Joe repeated firmly. “Marry me now. Right now.”

He took a deep breath, and then turned to Meg offering his hand, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t reject him. Joe took her hand raising his eyes to meet hers. Joe kissed the palm of her hand, and whispered  “I have to go home.”
“When are you coming back?”

“Never. I’m leaving,” Joe shook his head.” I’m leaving for good.”

She jerked her hand away from his grasp.

Joe’s head was throbbing and a trickle of blood was running down his the side of his face from his forehead. He was not going to walk out of the house with out her answering. Whatever the answer was going to be, Joe Cartwright needed to hear what she was going to say and stop imagining conversations inside his head.

“Meg, I told you when this all started the only place for me and my wife to settle down would be on my family’s ranch. On the Ponderosa. That’s my home. You agreed to this when we first talked about being together. Time and time again. When you dumped Pierce Winslow for me. Meg, he is married to Bonnie and has a baby and another on the way and we are still figuring out what if we are going to stay together.”

His head was really beginning to hurt and it was hard to concentrate on what he had to say. Meg had an awfully strong throwing arm and Joe’s head throbbed painfully. “I have to go. I need to leave and get home. I can’t be gone so long any more.” He sighed.

They stared at each other. They had been arguing for hours and Joe had to ride out soon. “Meg, please, share my life.” Joe pleaded one last time. “I can’t unbreak your heart but I can sure try if you just let me.”

”You know what you are getting.” She stared at him as if that was something bad.

”I want what I am getting. Let’s cut cards.”

“What do you mean, Joe? What do you mean ‘lets cut cards’?”

”Cut cards, like we did with that deal on those horses. Remember?”

She nodded.

“High card wins. If I get the high card you have to marry me. If you get the high card, I’ll just leave and you do whatever it is you want.” Joe squeezed his eyes closed and drew in his breath slowly. “If you get the high card, I’ll go and leave you alone. For good. No more fighting. No more begging and pleading.”

It was the most bizarre proposal anyone had ever made.

“Meg, please! You can’t do this!” Her mother couldn’t stand it any more and burst into the room from the kitchen. She snatched at Joe’s hand. “Joseph, don’t let her do this to you. Please!” Mrs. Thackery took a damp cloth and held it to the gash on his head as Meg went to the dining room sideboard. She opened the drawer and pulled out a deck of playing cards.

“Meg! Stop!” Her mother pleaded. “What in the world are you doing? This is insane! Joe is begging you to marry him!”
Meg shuffled the deck of cards and put them in on the table in front of Joe. He slowly put his hand on the deck and lifted part of it “Ten of spades.” He drew in a sigh and swallowed hard. “Ten. Not very good.”

Mrs. Thackery held the dishrag against Joe’s head and said a silent prayer that Meg would marry him. “Maybe it will be good enough,” Mrs. Thackery whispered hopefully.

Meg put her hand on the deck and looked at her mother’s distraught face. Then she looked at Joe. She really loved him with all her heart. He was right about her. She was afraid to marry him because she was afraid she could loose him. But if she didn’t marry him, she would loose him anyway.

She pulled up her card and held it so only she could see it. “Two of diamonds” Meg smiled “Ten beats the two,” She held put the card face down on the table. A draft caught the two cards and they fluttered under the dining room table.

She threw herself into Joe’s arms. “Don’t walk away. Please, don’t leave me, Joe. I’ll have nothing if I don’t have you. I will marry you!”

” Meggie, you are crazy!” He smiled and shook his head as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

“Joe Cartwright! I’m so sorry I hurt you! Please, please forgive me.” she said as she kissed him. This time he let her come near him. He couldn’t stay away from her any more. “I’ll marry you right now and or just go home and I’ll live with you if that is what you want. On Cochise, on a stage with one shoe. In a pine tree or on the Ponderosa. Now. Let’s go get a minister or a judge or what ever you want. Right this minute. You are so crazy. Joe.”

“Me? I’m the sanest person in this room. Look who you are marrying and look who I am getting. You are getting me and Eric and whole heap of problems and I’m getting you and your wild running.” He pulled her close and kissed her hard on her mouth. For an instant he felt the room swirling and knew it wasn’t from her kisses. He held on to Meg tightly and tried to get his equilibrium.

“I think I need a doctor for this lump on my head before we do anything else,” He suddenly lost his balance and almost pulled her down with him.

“Joe!” Mrs. Thackery gasped.

 Joe sat down on the edge of a chair. He felt kind of dizzy and the bright light from the front window was hurting his eyes. His stomach was twirling.

“Meg?” Joe suddenly looked terribly pale.

 

Chapter 6

 

Meg took him over to the Doctor’s office who told Joe he had a hard head but a mild concussion and that Meg should never throw anything at anyone ever again. Joe insisted he would be fine to ride back to the Ponderosa in the morning if he took it slow.

They both decided that Joe would go back home and in two weeks Meg would come to the Ponderosa for a small wedding. Her stepbrother, Peter was already living near Virginia City. It would be too difficult for all the Cartwrights with all their ailments to travel. Adam was barely able to walk and Ben was still not up to his old self after beating the fever and Kate couldn’t travel in her condition either. Kate was due to give birth in less than a month.

And most importantly Joe was sure that Eric would have a terrible time leaving his home on the Ponderosa for a strange place, even if it was for his beloved uncle’s wedding in Genoa.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Thackery who was ecstatic that Joe and Meg were finally getting married. She was delighted and relieved that Joseph had finally put his foot down and her Meg listened.

She smiled with delight at the idea of Joe and Meg finally getting married as she started picking up the clutter in the parlor and swept up the shattered figure. She moved into the dining room. As she put the deck of cards away, she remembered the two cards that had fluttered onto the floor. First, Mrs. Thackery picked up Joe’s ten of spade from near a chair leg. Meg’s two of diamonds had fluttered further under the end table. Mrs. Thackery kneeled down under the table and found the card.

As she looked at the playing card in her hand, Emma Thackery gasped aloud. Meg’s discarded playing card was the queen of hearts. Meg had drawn the queen not the two of diamonds as she had claimed. Her daughter had beaten Joe Cartwright’s ten of diamonds and Meg told him that he had won.

 

Chapter 7

 

Eventually, Joe finished bedding down Cochise and then returned to the house. He was exhausted and all he really wanted to do was go straight to bed but Joe was sure that would be impossible. He was sure Eric was going to be waiting for him and it would be a long time before he would be getting to bed himself.

“Where’s Eric?” he called as he slowly unbuckled his gun belt and put his hat on the rack. Ben was sitting at the head of the dining room table drinking his coffee.

”I got him to sleep right after he ate his supper.” Ben stood up and walked toward Joe.

”Really? He went to sleep for you, Pa? How did it go while I was gone?”

“Not too badly. He fell asleep in your bed, Joseph. He wrapped himself up in your nightshirt and I think he tried waiting for you. But he did call me Ben -Pa again.” Ben smiled. “Poor little boy was so tired he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Even though he tried to wait for you Joe. You can move him when you go up. ”

“Did Eric cry a lot today? I’m sorry I left him so long, Pa but I really had to take care of this and get straightened out with Meg. I left for home before sun up and got back as quick as I could…” He stretched his tired muscles.

”Joe, that’s ok. You had to get away. You spent two days riding you must be done in.,” Ben smiled as he came over to hug his son. They held on to each other for a minute. “Hope you had a good trip son.”

Joe nodded smiling broadly. “It was a fine trip Pa. Very fine. She said ‘yes’.”

He was pleased for Joseph but Ben was still had his reservations about Meg. There was something that kept her at arms length from Ben.

“’Yes’, Pa, she said ‘yes’!” Joe was happier than he had ever been in his life.

“Wonderful! “That is what you wanted, isn’t it?” Ben smiled at Joe throwing his arm over his son’s broad shoulders.

Joe sighed with relief. ”For a real long time Pa, for a real long time. I think I’m just much too tired to jump up and down but that is what I really want to do.” Joe couldn’t stop smiling.”Meg said she would marry me as soon as we could make the arrangements!”

As Joe turned to face him, Ben noticed the lump on his happy son’s forehead. ”Joseph what happened to your head? How did you get so banged up?” He put his hand on Joe’s chin and turned his face into the lamp light to get a better view.

”Guess I bumped it last night. On a horse. It looks worse than it is,” he lied. Despite his happiness, Joe’s head was throbbing miserably. He wasn’t about to tell his father that Meg slugged him with a china horse by mistake.

“On a horse? Is everything all right?” Ben asked.

 Joe nodded. “I’ll tell you the whole thing as soon as I check on Eric.” He rubbed his forehead and tried to decide if he still was hungry enough to try to eat dinner or if he would just go to sleep while he had the chance. He was done in from the long ride back home. Joe was delighted with what had happened with Meg even if his head hurt terribly.

“Congratulations Joe!” Adam called happily from the dining room. “That’s wonderful news about you and Meg!”

“Thanks,” Joe smiled. “I have to check on Eric.”

”The boy is just fine Joe. Have some dinner first.” Adam urged. Joe washed up in the kitchen and came back into the dining room.

“ I didn’t know you would be able to get here, Adam. How is everyone?” Joe sat down in his own chair. Adam filled a plate for his weary brother and passed it across the table.

”Holding their own. Elizabeth had four days in a row with no fever and she was perky enough to want to come along to visit her Grandpa and Eric. I told her next time. Sam finally went back to school and Nancy is staying with Katie so I could come out here.”

Adam looked worn out.  He had grown a beard while he was bed ridden and never shaved it off.

Ben looked back and forth at his sons thinking to himself that his boys looked old. “How old had he gotten if his boys looked so worn and old?” Ben thought as he sat down at the dining room table.

“Pa and I needed to look at those contracts for the railroad. Are you sure we can get the lumber cut?”

Joe nodded and poked at the food on his plate. He was hungry but was too tired to even chew. He still needed to tell Adam and his father the rest of his decisions. “The new machinery should be up and running by the end of the month. The new foreman seems like he is will do fine. We can handle it, Adam.” He pushed back the plate and looked at his father. Joe got up from the dining room table and stood at the bottom of the stairs listening to see if it was still quiet upstairs.

Meanwhile Ben and Adam moved over to the settee by the fireplace. Joe drifted over to them and stood nearby with his hands in his pockets.

“Sit down, Joe. I told you Eric is sound asleep.” Adam poured his brother a cup of steaming coffee and Joe wearily sat down on the edge of the hearth.

Adam looked at his brother’s face as he passed his the cup. Clearly there was more going on, something to do with Eric.

Joe stared down at the floor, his shoulders hunched over. His hands were turning the red and white coffee cup round and round in his hands. Joe was gazing steadily at the fire trying to put his thoughts in order before he spoke. Adam and Ben exchanged questioning looks as the silence continued.

“Tell us about the trip and Meg,” Ben asked “What happened? Are you all right?”

Joe nodded and took a sip of the steaming coffee.

“Tired beyond what I could ever imagine, Pa,” he smiled wearily and took a sip.

“What did you want me to come out here to talk about Joe?” Adam had his suspicions why his brother had sent word for him to come out, but he needed Joe to tell him for sure.

“Adam you and Katie can’t have Eric. Not now, not ever. He needs to stay right here on the Ponderosa with Pa and me. He isn’t totally scared all the time out here. This is his home.”

“But Joe…” Adam attempted to interrupt but Joe just continued on. He had his mind set and needed to say what he needed to say.
”Adam, you know you can’t take on one more child. Katie is going to give birth in a month can hardly manage.”

“Phil Bartlett will be here soon to help with the Enterprise. He wrote he could be here by the end of the month,” Adam tried interrupt his brother but Joe would not be deterred. Just as he had thought out his speech to convince Meg to marry him, Joe had mentally planned out this debate over Eric with Adam.

 “You are barely walking around on two legs. What if you run for office like those big shots are trying to get you to do?”

Ben sat silently and watched from his red leather chair. He too was wondering what his oldest son was going to decide about the pressure he was getting to run for Senate.

“You are limping around and Elizabeth and Sam are barely over being sick and….” Joe stopped short.  He didn’t want to bring it up but they all knew what he was saying was true. “Eric is scared of you, Adam. I can’t figure out why. He just is.” Joe looked his older brother directly in his eyes.

Adam stroked his beard and looked at his weary, younger brother. He knew what Joe was saying was accurate and true. Even today, the quiet little boy started crying when Adam bent over to hug him. Eric wouldn’t even take the candy his Uncle had brought for him and ran to hide under Ben’s desk.

“I’m not even going to let you consider it. Eric is staying here with me. This is going to be his home.” Joe put down the coffee cup he was holding.

“But Joe,” Adam tried to argue.

“Adam you know this is the best choice we have of him ever getting better and going back to the way he used to be. He has to stay here, on the Ponderosa with me and Meg.” Joe smiled despite his weariness and repeated, ”Here with me and Meg.” He delighted in repeating her name.

“But, Joe, how are you going to do it? How are you going to run the ranch?”

Joe looked at him nod saying a word. He swallowed what was left in his coffee cup.

”Joe how are you going to do this?” Adam repeated, “Eric isn’t well. How can you run the Ponderosa and take care of a … a.. “.”

”Our brother’s child?” Joe inserted words for Adam before he could use some other rude phrase that he would regret. “I don’t know how, but it will get done. How did Pa take care of all of us? Adam I won’t do it alone. Pa is here too. And Meg will be here soon.” Joe smiled again. As much as he hated this face off with his brother he loved being able to say, “Meg will be here soon.”

”But you Joe?”

“But you Adam?” Joe challenged. He stood up so that he towered over his seated brother.

“Joseph! Adam! ” Their father stood up and pleaded for calm between his sons.

Adam sat back in his chair and looked intently at his brother and tried to figure what to say next. He stared at his younger brother and for the first time he noticed his kid brother had lines in his face and a sprinkling of gray mixed in his curly brown hair.

Adam realized that his little brother looked so much older than he remembered. Joe had been carrying a lot on his shoulders alone while Adam had been flat on his back. Kate was taking care of her husband and their children and trying to keep the Enterprise running. Joe had totally managed the Ponderosa, taking care of their seriously ill father and dealing with their very troubled orphaned nephew as well as helping out Katie. The boyish exuberance had suddenly vanished form Joe leaving a tired and worried man in its place.

The Cartwrights had tried to hire women to take care of Eric, like a Nanny and no one had stayed for long. The first one quit to tend her own sick parents in Virginia City. Joe had to fire the next two different women for being cruel or short tempered with the little boy. Joe caught one woman spanking the boy with a spoon for not eating all his pancakes. The other was more interested in catching a husband from the men in the bunkhouse than minding Eric and left him alone. Joe swore that would be the last time anyone ever raised a hand to Eric or neglected him and he finally gave up. He refused to hire anyone to tend the boy and insisted that he could manage the boy like Pa had taken care of his own sons.

”What are you saying Adam?” Joe got angrier. ”I’m too irresponsible? I’m too wild or just a kid myself?” Joe stared at Adam. “Open up your eyes Adam. I’m not a kid anymore. Who do you think has been doing most of the work here running the Ponderosa? Who has been sitting up nights with Pa and took care of Eric since I brought him home? Who beat Jack Fisher to a pulp when he almost got you killed, Adam? It may not be what we would have planned but it is what needs to be done here.” Adam heard his father’s words coming out of Joe’s mouth about being responsible even in the worst situations. “I did what had to be done,”

”Adam, he’s right. I was far too sick. Joe did it all.” Ben still tired easily and wasn’t bouncing back as easily as he had in the past or a younger man would. For the first time in his life, Ben Cartwright, realized he had no choice but to take a step back and pass things on to his sons. He may never be able to do the physical labor he had done for many years building the Ponderosa and he was beginning to accept this. It was time to let his sons take over from him.

“I’m going to marry Meg.” Joe smiled and looked at Adam and Ben waiting for their reaction. “She finally agreed and we are getting married as soon as the arrangements can be made.”

“Let’s talk about all this.” Ben started. He wanted to make sure Joe was being sensible about getting married and not adding more problems to his already complicated life.

“It’s not up for discussion with the two of you. Meg and I already made the decision.”

“You know what Doctor Martin has said. If Eric is ever going to get better he needs to get over being so scared and if the only one he is comfortable with is Joe, that’s where he needs to be here with Joe.” Ben nodded. “Meg wants to do this?”

”There’s no changing our minds, not this time. Meggie said we should live here and if I wanted to marry her that was all she needed.” Joe wasn’t going to tell his father that he was the one who insisted on the wedding and that he and the bride to be drew cards to make the decision. Pa didn’t need to hear the whole insane thing right now, if ever. Who would believe Meg gave in to a wedding based on drawing cards and then bopped him with a china horse figurine?

Joe wasn’t going to tell his family that he was the one who had insisted that they had to get married. Meg would have come to live with him on the Ponderosa, married or not but Joe would not allow that. Ben certainly would not be comfortable with the idea of his youngest son having Meg in his bed without the blessing of a marriage. And there was no way Meg and Joe could stay apart ever again.

“Meg and I are going to take him Adam. You can’t… it’s too much for you and Katie can’t manage right now.  Kate is just feeling better and Sam and Elizabeth need her attention, Adam. Your new baby will be here soon. You can’t take on Eric. He needs so much more attention. He doesn’t sleep and he still won’t talk. Maybe he never will. You can’t do it all. Meg and I can do it. That’s it.”  Joe concluded in a rush.

Joe closed the conversation abruptly and headed up the stairs to check on Eric. Joe’s face was worn and serious. His head throbbed and every muscle in his body ached. Despite his weariness, Joe was putting his little boy first, just as his own father had always put his boys first. Eric desperately needed Joe and his uncle was going to take care of him fine no matter what any one else said.

 “But Joe…” Adam started.

”Adam, you know it’s the right thing.” Joe looked him directly in the eye. “You know that.” Joe was finished with the discussion.

Ben saw his oldest son’s shoulder slump lower as Adam began to accept the fact that Joseph was absolutely right. How could he take another child in his house with Kate having a difficult time being pregnant? Adam was barely getting back on his feet. His own children and his wife and his business needed his attention. Sam had even missed school to help Kate out.

 The bottom line was that the only one Eric would consistently listen to was his Uncle Joe. The child feared Adam for no clear reason. The only chance the boy had to ever get better was staying her on the Ponderosa with Joe.

“You go on home, Adam. It’s getting mighty late.” Joe rubbed the bump on his head.

“Send Katie and the kids my love and let me go upstairs and check on Eric. Meg is going to be here in a couple of weeks for a wedding just as soon as she can finish the next auction. We’ll get married as soon as we can after that. Tell Katie.”

Adam limped over to his brother and he hugged Joe close. “Congratulations, Buddy. Meg will be a fine wife,”

Joe wrapped his arms tightly around his older brother and for an instant wished he was once more the little kid brother and Adam could come riding to his rescue and Pa could make everything safe and comfortable for him again.

“Thanks, Big Brother,” Joe said huskily. “I got to go upstairs to check on Eric. You better start home, Adam. It’s going to snow or rain again. I don’t want you to get caught in it.” He took a breath and clattered quickly up the wide oak staircase to be with Eric.]

Adam smiled as he finished the last bit of coffee in his cup. Joe was telling him to be careful and cautious. His wild little brother was urging him to be prudent in bad weather was not something Adam Cartwright ever expected to hear.

“Pa, how is Eric really doing?” Adam asked softly as he sat back down in the blue chair by the stone hearth. He leaned his cane against the arm of his chair. He pressed one hand on his hand on his knee and the other on the arm of the chair as he eased himself into the seat. He was finally able to get around a bit after being confined totally to bed for weeks. Adam figured out that he would be able to get around without the cane by Easter time if he watched what he was doing.

Ben sighed, “ Doctor Martin says we just need to wait and see.” The catch in his voice when he talked about Eric betrayed his own sorrow over the child’s sad condition.

“I better get going.” Adam looked at his empty coffee cup and tried to decide if he was ambitious enough to walk all the way to the kitchen for another cup or would just call it a night with the amount of coffee he had. He set the empty cup down on the edge of the hearth.

Adam walked over to the front door with Ben.

 “Pa, is Eric at all improved?” Adam asked as his father handed him his heavy coat. He rested his hip against the sideboard so he wouldn’t loose his balance as his father helped him on with his coat. It was going to be a chilly wet night and he hoped to get home before the rain started up again. He still couldn’t ride astride a horse and it would take longer to get home in his buggy.

”He’s not any worse. That poor child has been through an awful lot. He cries a great deal of the time except when he is with Joe. Sometimes he is all right with Hop Sing or me. The rest of the time he cries or just sits quietly like he’s waiting for Andrea to come back to get him. Its eerie Adam. He just sits silently like a little old man. Not moving, not talking. Just staring silently. I don’t know how long he was out there before Joe and Meg found him. Lost and cold in the dark, waiting for his mother.” Ben’s voice trailed off. “Did Sam tell you how he acted up at the mine when they were there?”

Adam nodded. Sam had innocently brought the two younger children for a walk up to the Fischer mine to meet Ben when he was supervising the last lumber deliveries while Adam was still stuck in bed. Eric screamed and howled and insisted his mother was there. Joe had to gallop over from Adam’s house to calm him down and bring him back to the Ponderosa.

“Joseph suspects the boy saw them kill Doc Smith and whatever happened to Andrea when Flanagan’s men came on the place. Who knows how long Flanagan held on to him or what he did … He saw too much what ever it was. And he was too little to figure it all out.”

“Adam, it isn’t only Eric that concerns me. I’m worried about Joseph.” Ben added. He had waited to start until he was really sure Joe was upstairs and so busy with Eric that he wouldn’t here their conversation.

“Is he just getting married because of Eric? I would hate for that to be what is going on. What’s is this Meg really like Adam? You know she avoids me. You and Kate spent more time with her than I have. Joe claims she is afraid of me.”

“Afraid of you Pa?” Adam finished buttoning his coat.

“Joe claims it has something to do with Meg’s father and how much he hated me.”

”Why would Fred Thackery hate you, Pa? We always got along with him. ” Ben handed him his hat.

“Not Fred, he is Meg’s step father. Carl Duprey. You remember he held that angry grudge against me until the day he died. Meg grew up thinking I was some kind of ogre.”

”Ben Cartwright an ogre? Hmm, guess she’ll get to know how much of a monstrous ogre you really are when she lives here as Mrs. Joseph Cartwright.” Adam teased with a sly grin.

For the first time all evening Adam smiled a little. He certainly wasn’t going to tell Pa about the incident in Stockton, when Meg wound up pushed into his hotel room wearing nothing more than a blanket wrapped around her. His brother was a grown man and Meg was a grown woman.

 ”Pa, if that is what you are worried about, than don’t be concerned. She’s really pretty. Beautiful. Maybe that is what caught his eye first. You know Joe. But that is not what kept him interested. There was never anyone better suited to keeping my little brother happy than Meg. She’s a good woman Pa. She may be Carl Durprey’s daughter but she was raised by her mother as a Thackery . She really knows horses and livestock and has a good business head too and would be able to work side by side with Joe running the Ponderosa.“ Adam realized what he had just said aloud. Joe was running the Ponderosa. He said it and his father didn’t even blink. Joe was running the Ponderosa.

Ben smiled “Smart and beautiful? It does seems awfully sudden that they are getting married.”

”Sudden? Is two years sudden? They love each other. You knew my mother for years but Pa, how long did you know Marie when you brought her home? “

Ben smiled, knowing what his son was saying about the sparks a romance could generate.

“Joe has been back and forth with Meg for years now. It’s not really all that sudden. You know some of it. I know other parts. Some we’ll never know unless Joe wants to tell us. Or Meg”

Ben chuckled. “I can only imagine.”

” This situation with Eric is just what is making them finally stop their foolish childishness. This fighting and playing that they don’t care about each other and all the rest of their flirting and arguing and carrying on. She has a wild streak in her but she has a level head too when she sees fit to use it.”

 “Just like Joe.” Ben observed.

Adam nodded in agreement. “Just like Joe. Pa, you know Meg would stand by Joe no matter what.”

Ben nodded. Joe had told him them all the details of how Meg had stood her ground when they had to fight with Flanagan’s men and find Eric. Not to many women would have had that sort of gumption and spirit? Ben found women like that to marry and so had Adam when he married Kate. And Hoss had loved poor Andrea. His sons had found three strong women to love them.

”Pa, Joe is really right. Kate and I really can’t take proper care of another child. Katie is hardly able to go over to the paper once a week and tend to our own children “ Even with all the help I hired, Katie is done in by mid after noon.” Adam ran his fingers through his graying hair. His knee was aching and his back hurt but he needed to finish this conversation before he left for home. Adam leaned against his cane. “I’m trying to convince her to get Phil Bartlett to come back again and be the editor, like when we were in Boston with Joe that summer but this time make it permanent. Make him a partner in the Enterprise.”

”Phil is a good man,” Ben agreed. “Kate will be better soon. You are getting better too.”

”We’ll have a new baby soon too. That’s not it Pa. It’s going to take a long time and Elizabeth is still hanging on to Katie and Doctor Martin says to watch out neither of them get anything else this winter. This is the first time I was able to leave Virginia City to come out here in weeks and spend time with you. And you see how scared Eric is every time I come near him, I wish I could figure that out.” Adam sighed. He hated to think he frightened the poor child.
“But what about Meg and Joseph?’

“Pa, you were here when they came back with Eric. You said yourself that none of them would have gotten out alive if Meg hadn’t kept her head.”

 Ben started to  gasp and cough and he couldn’t catch his breath for a minute. Adam looked alarmed but Ben waved him away. He took a sip of his coffee and got his voice back. “Sounds worse than it is. Paul gave me some medicine to take before I go to bed.”

“That’s where you should be going, then. It’s really late.”

Ben glanced at the grandfather clock. You should be heading home too, Adam.”
Adam wrapped his arms around his father and they embraced. “Pa, Joe is right. This is what needs to be done. You just take care of yourself.”
”Watch how you go home, son.” He squeezed Adam’s shoulder through the heavy coat.

As Ben closed the door behind his oldest son and turned down the lamps and walked slowly upstairs he heard Eric start crying from upstairs and the sound of Joe’s calm deep voice trying to sooth him.

Benjamin Cartwright remembered how much the sweet little boy used to talk and chatter and sing at bedtime. It all seemed like a lifetime ago.

”Eric, just say ‘Good night’. Ben prayed “Lord, just let my grandson say the two words ‘good night’”

”Joe joe joe mammama “ he heard the boy wailing and Joe’s soft voice trying to soothe him.

“Oh, my poor, sweet Eric,” Ben whispered to himself as he slowly climbed the stairs.