Summary:  Part eight of Sins of the Father, Sins of the Sons

Word Count:  10,000

 

 

                             Sins of the Father, Sins of the Sons

 

Meg Discovers the Whole Story about Ben Cartwright

 

Chapter 1

 

The Ponderosa Ranch

October 1874

Meg Cartwright started refolding the cobalt blue patterned fabric that the women had spread out on the Newkirk’s kitchen table.

“I really like it Meg. What do you think, Rebecca?” Kate Cartwright turned to the foreman’s wife. “The color is so pretty.”

“I think that blue chintz fabric for the drapes and the lace curtains underneath will look just fine in your bedroom, Meg. It will make that room yours and Joe’s not some boy’s room with swords and pistols on the wall.”

”And get rid of that awful Indian picture as soon as you can.” Kate added. “The eyes follow you wherever you go in the room. I don’t know how you sleep up there.”

Meg giggled. She wanted to say that she and Joe didn’t do much sleeping but felt it would be a bit too daring to say in front of Mrs. Newkirk.

 Rebecca Newkirk said as she led their way to the attic. “I am sure I put those curtain rods up here from Eric’s room when they painted it. You know that was his daddy’s room too.”

Meg nodded. “Don’t go to any trouble, Rebecca. We can always get some more made up.”

“Oh no, Meg. It is no bother for you and Little Joe.”

”And you make sure you have one of the men hang them up for you. Will Cartwright is a mighty fine carpenter. Don’t you go climbing up and making do,” Kate ordered just as if Meg was one of her children or her staff on the Enterprise.

 “Just help me move some of these things around.” Rebecca asked looking at Kate. “How is Eric doing this week? Is he talking a bit more?”

Kate hesitated to answer. She didn’t see much difference in their nephew despite Joe insisting the child was improving. “Little Joe says he is talking a bit more. Probably when they are alone together.”

 “Eric seems to be mighty taken with you too, Meg. I see how that baby clings on to you too, like his mama.”

”I’m always so amazed at how well Joe tends to him.” Meg said as she helped Katie fold up the chintz. “He dresses him and bathes Eric. Most nights he puts him to bed too. For a man who grew up with out a mother, I can’t believe he knows what to do with such a little child.”

“Little Joe may not have had a mother to imitate, but he has a fine Pa that raised up those boys mostly on his own from wee babies. He isn’t being Eric’s mother, he is being the boy’s Pa. Little Joe is raising that boy like Ben took care of his sons.

 “Rebecca, you know, the only ones that Joe lets call him ‘Little Joe’ with out him getting all in a snit is you and Katie. And Hays of course.” Meg said. “Not even his father or Adam or anyone else.”

“That is true. He certainly gets hot under the collar when anyone else does.” Rebecca stood looking at the cluttered attic.

“I think Adam sometimes does it to tease his brother and get him worked up.” Kate moved a box.

”I call him Little Joe when I want to provoke him and get him angry,” Meg said.

“You two just like to fight so you can kiss and make up,” Kate wagged her finger with a smile. She could never understand how the two newly weds so enjoyed their fighting but Adam had said she should keep her own counsel on that situation and not put her nose into their business. Kate hadn’t made her husband any promises on that topic.

”But Joe doesn’t mind at all when either you or Kate call him Little Joe. Anyone else does it, he cringes or gets all angry.” Meg said to Rebecca.

Mrs. Newkirk smiled. “That is because he knows I love him like he was my own family. After his mother died, Little Joe was here a lot to play with Dean and I used to tend him with my own children.”

Meg helped her shift some baskets and an old picture frame to the side of the room. As they did, Rebecca Newkirk caught a glimpse of Meg as the light from the small window hit her pretty face. There was something different, more rounded and soft, about Meg. It was a change that made the older woman suspect that she and Joe would soon be telling them some good news about a new baby on the way. Rebecca saw that Kate had noticed the change in Meg too and the two older women exchanged knowing smiles.

“ I may have some more nice pale blue and pink fabric for a small quilt for you too,” Rebecca smiled thinking in terms of a baby quilt.

“I bet Little Joe would prefer blue,” Kate winked at Rebecca. She too had noticed how Meg looked.

”I don’t know, Katie. That boy has always had a surprising side. Maybe pink. Maybe pink and blue both.” Meg made no notice of their remarks.

“ Have you heard from your mother recently?” Rebecca stood up and wiped her hands on her apron.

”Oh yes! I got a letter just yesterday. She and Daddy had their wedding anniversary last week. Joe and I sent them a crystal vase.” Meg realized how much she missed them and how long it had been since she had seen them.

 “My, it is dusty in here!” Rebecca said as she and Kate lifted an old table out of the way. “ Ben did that”

“Did what?” Meg tilted her head and looked at Rebecca Newkirk curiously. Rebecca wiped a smudge off of Meg’s cheek with the corner of her apron.
”Ben contacted Fred Thackery and asked if could come to buy the Circle D cattle. What was left of them.” She wiped her hands on her apron a second time. “That is how your mother and step father met.”

“Ben Cartwright contacted Thackery Auctions?”

Rebecca Newkirk nodded. “Ben knew Fred Thackery would be completely honest with your mother. And a respectful gentleman to her.”

Meg shook her head. “I never knew that. Did you know my father hated Ben Cartwright? He insisted that we were never supposed to have anything to do with the Cartwrights or the Ponderosa. He called them the “high and mighty Cartwrights”. Meg confided.

“We all knew that. Carl Duprey was just a dang, hateful, jealous fool, “ Rebecca paused for a minute. She was never one to speak ill of the dead and certainly didn’t want to say anything hurtful to Meg Cartwright about her late father. “He was a sour, angry man. Your mother knew that and did what she knew was right without ruffling Carl’s dander.”

Meg nodded. “Do you think Joe will really mind the new curtains?”

“Goodness no. He would cut off his arm to please you, Meg.” Rebecca said.

 “Both arms and a leg too. Little Joe loves you so much, Meg,” Katie added.

“Do you know how many arguments that boy had with his father each time he went chasing after you? Don’t you know that?”

“They fought about me?” Meg was shocked that everyone knew about Joe’s disagreements with Ben.

“Ben was afraid you would break his sweet baby boy’s heart. You were certainly giving him a run for his money for a mighty long time.” Katie laughed. “Those Cartwright men look tough but they are a real sentimental bunch. Do you see how Elizabeth has Adam wrapped around her finger?”

“I can’t believe how he let’s her boss him. He was so firm with his brothers and Sammy too.” Rebecca said

  “But what about new curtains in Joe’s room?” Meg tried to change the subject.

”Goodness! Meg it is your room too, Sweetie. The Ponderosa is your home; you are not just visiting with all the Cartwrights for a summer holiday.  Let Joe fix up the barn and the corral and you gussy up the bedroom. That is what wives do. Didn’t your mama tell you that?” Rebecca was surprised at the young wife’s awkwardness.

”I suppose she did. I was always more interested in helping Daddy in the auction yard than the curtains and dishes and things in the house.” Meg smiled.

Rebecca shook her head at Meg’s lack of domesticity. Hop Sing was happy that he didn’t have to stop running the house when Joe brought home his wife and Meg didn’t even mind. “Emma always set such pride in fixing up her house pretty, here and in Placerville. She planted flowers and sewed curtains and all.”

”She still does. Do you remember the lilac bushes she had when we lived on the Circle D? And the pink roses? She missed them so when we moved to Placerville. The roses never did that well there.”

”Your mama and you were here on the Ponderosa that whole day your Papa and sisters were killed. I had all the ladies at the house for a quilting party that day. It was for Melissa and Jack Fischer if I recall.” Rebecca smoothed back her hair thinking aloud. “What pattern did we use? Wedding ring? No it was a pinwheel, all yellow and pink and white calico. I was surprised how fast we put it together at such a short notice.”

Katie was amazed that so many years later Mrs. Newkirk recalled the exact pattern the Lady’s Quilting Guild had used for the Fischer’s wedding gift.

”When we went home, we found them…” Her voice dropped off remembering the sight of her home burned and her father and sisters murdered.” Imagine that I wound up marrying a “high and mighty” Cartwright and even living on the Ponderosa?”

Rebecca smiled, her eyes twinkling. “Meg Cartwright of the Ponderosa. Little Joe was always such a kind-hearted boy. Some say he was wild but he was always a good boy to me. Just full of energy but never a bad boy.” She put her arm affectionately around Meg’s waist.

“That is what my mother always said about him. Mama was so furious that I wouldn’t accept every time Joe proposed.”

“And I know that boy proposed dozens of times, Meg.” Kate nodded. She had encouraged Joe to keep on asking and eventually he would succeed and win Meg’s heart.

”He asked me hundreds of times!” Meg smiled. “And Mama yelled at me each time I said ‘some day’.” All three women laughed.

“Well, you finally smartened up, Mrs. Joseph Cartwright!” Mrs. Newkirk shook her head at the irony. “He and my boy Dean were such good friends. Casey looks more like his brother every day. It is like a tiny bit of Dean is back. And Eric is a comfort to Ben just the same way, just like a tiny little bit of Hoss.”

“That is what my mother said when she saw Eric. She remembered Hoss being a little boy.”

 “It was a miracle that you and Emma were spared,” Rebecca Newkirk said. Emma Duprey had been her dear friend and it broke her heart when she lost everything and had to move away with her one surviving daughter. Now, Mrs. Newkirk was delighted that Meg was married to Little Joe Cartwright and she could act the substitute mother for her long ago friend. Her own three daughters had moved far away from the Ponderosa and Rebecca missed them dreadfully. Each girl had married and moved to follow their husbands, just as Meg had left her family to be with the Cartwrights. She was glad to have Kate and Meg to fuss over.

“We were spared, but we were punished. We lost everything… my sisters, my father. Our lives were never the same.”  She had never admitted that out loud to anyone, not even to Joe. Meg had never put together all the pieces of why she feared Ben Cartwright. It was what her dead father had told her; stay away from the high and mighty Cartwrights. Ben Cartwright was to be feared and the Ponderosa to be avoided at all costs. A punishment would be given if she disobeyed. “We were punished,” she whispered in the dim, dusty Newkirk attic. She realized that she couldn’t picture what her sisters or her looked like anymore.

“Oh goodness, that wasn’t a punishment for being on the Ponderosa, Meg. Those evil men were trying to get the land and cheat you and your mama out of what little she could get for the remaining cattle.”

”It was Ted Flanagan and that Chadwick and his gang. They killed my uncle too,” Kate was shocked at Meg’s observation. She had never realized her sister in law thought that way.

“Meg, that was not a punishment from heaven above.” Rebecca drew her close hugged Meg protectively. Meg was silent. “Do you think the Lord took my boy Dean to punish me and Hayes and his wife Bonnie?”

”I don’t know.”

 And what about Hoss Cartwright? Not a kinder better man ever lived,” Kate tried to reason with her.

”The Lord doesn’t work that way. Hoss getting killed just about broke Ben’s heart and drove his dear brothers crazy.”

Kate couldn’t talk any more thinking at how they had all suffered when Hoss got killed. She closed her eyes for a minute trying to silently drive away her own sadness.

“I’m not sure. I just don’t know.” Meg had never pieced it together like that.

“Then what about your little Eric? What about his suffering? Would God want that darling baby to have all the misery and pain he has, Meg?”

Meg nodded in agreement. “No one is more innocent than that sweet tormented child.”

Rebecca Newkirk picked up the lid on the other trunk and looked inside. “My goodness, this is all of Dean’s old things. Hays put them up here. I bet Casey could use them. The Lord doesn’t deal out punishments like that. Rewards neither. Look at some of those nasty folks who live real easy and high on the hog.”

“I suppose so,” Meg answered. She still was unsure.

 “Wasn’t it considerate that Ben gave all that extra money to your mother? Who would have been clever like that? He had Fred give your mother extra money saying it was for the livestock. Ben felt terrible that Emma wouldn’t have enough to live on but didn’t want to embarrass her by giving her money directly. He feared she wouldn’t accept it if he did seeing how he and your father had such a foolish hate toward each other.”

Meg stared wide-eyed at Mrs. Newkirk. Even in the shadowy attic, Rebecca Newkirk could see from the shocked expression on Meg’s face that she had never heard this story before.

“Mrs. Newkirk! Who told you that?” Meg was shocked “ Who told you that Ben Cartwright gave my mother money? Who said that Joe’s father introduced my mother and Daddy?”

“My Hays told the me the story years and years ago, Meg.”

”When Little Joe first started seeing you. Adam told me the story too. He said that he and his brothers had tried to get your mother not to sell the ranch to those awful crooks. Flannery’s men came by while your mother was alone and took advantage of her. They flimflammed her and intimidated her and took advantage of her grief and no man being around. Those despicable characters gave her a fraction of what the place was worth. But the Cartwright boys did convince her to let Fred Thackery sell the livestock. They knew he would be honest.” Kate verified Rebecca’s remarks.

“Daddy surely is honest. No one is a more honest man when it comes to dealing livestock or people.”

”People especially. We all thought it was so amazing that you and Joe met after all that time.” Kate told her sister-in-law.

Rebecca Newkirk smiled. “You know that Little Joe is special to me and Hays.”

“Hays and Adam told you about Joe’s father and the money and introducing my Mama to Fred?” Meg still couldn’t believe it. She sat down on an old dusty chair.

“Both of them,” Mrs. Newkirk moved some of the crates to one side. “Here are the curtain rods. I’ll have Casey bring them around when he comes home. And you make sure one of the men takes care of hanging them. Don’t you go doing it.”

 “What did? Joe’s father say?” Meg asked.

Rebecca Newkirk suddenly realized that Meg never called Ben anything but “Joe’s Father. Not Ben, like Katie, not Pa, like his boys or Daddy or Father. Not even Mr. Cartwright, just Joe’s father. She would have to point that out to Hays when they ate supper. Maybe he would figure that one out.

“What did Ben say about what?”

“About you finding out and all. About my mother.” They headed down the steep attic stairs.

“When I asked Ben, he denied it at first .He said that he didn’t have any idea what I was talking about. You know Ben Cartwright.” Rebecca Newkirk smiled thinking of how she forced him to admit to what he had done years before. She knew what a generous man Ben was to everyone and how he raised his sons to follow in his footsteps.

“You know Ben.” Kate echoed.

“Guess I never did,” Meg sighed. “ I suppose I never really did.”

 

Chapter 2

 

Darling,

I would love to have dinner with you and your family this week. I will come out on Tuesday afternoon.

I shall even bring some of my special noodle dish that your boys enjoy.

Affectionately,

B.

 Late October 1874

The Ponderosa

The coffee pot was rattling on the back of the black iron kitchen stove but the odor turned Meg’s stomach as it had all during the last week. She also had felt weary no matter how much sleep she got. Each morning she woke up and could barely drag herself out of bed.

As he finished pulling on his heavy woolen socks sitting on the edge of their bed facing the window, Joe called to her as she lay under the covers “I thought I was supposed to be the one who had trouble getting up in the morning.” He leaned over and kissed his wife. “You make me wild, Meggie.”Joe teased in a whisper.
She smiled at her husband, “You say that every morning, Joe.”

“And every night too. You’ll have to worry when I stop saying that.” Joe teased.

“Don’t ever stop, ” Meg smiled up at him from under the covers. “Where are you headed today?”

” I have to go up to that stand of fir up by Elkhorn Meadow and mark them. Pa is being mighty fussy about this lumber order for some big house Adam is building for some client in town. I won’t be back until well after dark. “

” I’ll miss you!” Meg said wearily to him as she sat up in their bed. She hadn’t even started the day and she was already tired out. “Looks like it is going to be cold.”

“Think I better wear my warm jacket?” Joe said as he pulled on his boots sitting on the other side of the bed.

“It’s going to be cold up in the mountains on the way back. I’ll have a surprise for you when you get home.” Meg teased. The morning sun was making patterns on his face as it filtered through the new lace curtains. The blue side drapes that Mrs. Newkirk had made looked grand.

”Pa said we might get some company for supper. Do you want me to help Eric get dressed? You look so tired, Meggie. Stay in bed a bit longer.” He started to tuck the covers around her.

”No, you have lots of work to do.” Meg slowly swung her feet out from under the covers and started her day. “Your father said he wanted to take Eric out with him to do chores. I’ll manage. I have paper work to do while you all are gone. It will be nice and quiet. I want to do the payroll and close off the bills for the month.”

“It’s only Tuesday. You can take your time. The first is on Saturday.” Joe gently kissed her cheek again. For a minute he hesitated. He weighed out if he had time for more than a quick kiss but concluded that he really needed to get started on his chores. He would convince Meg to turn in early tonight, as soon as Pa’s supper guest left.

“You drive me wild Meggie!” Joe called down the hall as he headed down to breakfast.

 

Chapter 3

 

Meg Cartwright had felt odd all morning as she worked on the ranch ledgers at the big carved desk. She had heard Ben’s horse ride into the yard a few minutes earlier and decided she would walk outside to catch a breath of air and offer her father in law a hot cup of coffee and some lunch. She would let him pour his own coffee and avoid the smell in the kitchen.

 That was the last thing Meg remembered. She was walking out the front door when she felt light headed and a tremendous pain clenched her stomach.

Suddenly, two firm hands grabbed her forearms, and she was pulled up off the ground. “Aunt Meg are you all right?” Sam Cartwright helped her to her feet. He was clearly frightened to have found his aunt lying on the ground as he drove Miss Barbara’s rig into the yard.

Eric stood half hidden behind his cousin, his blue eyes wide with fear. He called to his aunt, “Meggie? Meggie?”  The little boy was sobbing fearfully.

”Help me get inside the house, Sammy. Is your mother here?” Meg prayed for Katie. Her sister in law would know what to do and Meg would feel comfortable in letting Katie or another woman tend to her.

”No, just me and Miss Barbara. We brought Eric back home. We just rode in and saw you laying here and.”

”Just get me into the house and go get your grandfather. He just went into the barn. Please right now!” Meg gasped as the sharp pain gripped her again.

“Eric, go get Grandpa, now!” Sam ordered as he helped Meg stand up. Sam had never seen her look so pale and frightened. Her lips were quivering and there were tears running down her cheeks.

Eric took one look at his beloved Meg and frantically ran to get his grandfather as Sammy and Miss Barbara helped Meg into the house. The pains were much worse and she couldn’t walk any further than the settee before she insisted that they just help her sit down. She felt dizzy and the cramps in her stomach hurt intensely.

“Do you want me to get you some tea or help you up stairs? Did you fall down Aunt Meg?” Sam helped her slowly sit down.

She couldn’t speak, as the pains in her stomach were so intense. She just shook her head and leaned back on the cushions and closed her eyes. She prayed that the piercing pain would stop. She dug her fingers into the arm of the settee.

“Meg? Should we send for the doctor?” Miss Barbara held her hand. Their eyes met and Meg reluctantly nodded.

Barbara pulled a small afghan off the arm of one of the chairs and covered her over. “Don’t worry, Meg. We will take care of you. Just close your eyes and relax.”

Meg must have dozed off for an instant because when she lifted her head she looked into the concerned face of Ben Cartwright. Eric was standing next to him. “Meg is sick, Benpa.” Eric pleaded. “Help Meg!” He pulled on Ben’s vest anxiously.

”Meg? Are you all right? Eric came running out to the barn to get me.”

”Get Joe, Please. Something is very wrong.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

Sam and Ben managed to help her into the bedroom with Barbara’s help. Eric followed behind them attempting to pat Meg’s hand as she sat on the edge of her bed.

“Now go ride for the doctor and send Shorty up to find your Uncle Joe. He is at the lumber camp up at Elkhorn,” Ben ordered his grandson.

”Send someone for the doctor first Sam.” Barbara added looking directly at the boy.

”But…”

”Sam, you go ride for Doctor Martin. Now.” Barbara repeated. “Right now!’

”Now, boy. Take Buck he is still saddled. Go right now.” Ben looked at Meg’s pale face. She was so frightened that she was trembling.

Ben sat down next to Meg and held her hand.” Don’t worry, Meg, we’ll take care of you.”

Eric stood at the foot of the bed and repeated the same words that his grand father had. “We’ll take care.”

”Eric, go sit on the porch, “ Barbara ordered knowing that what ever was happening to Meg didn’t need them around. “ And Benjamin, give me Meg’s nightgown and go get some more blankets. Some towels too. Then go heat up some water.”

”But.” he stammered with the same confused tone that Sam had used.

“Benjamin, I am sure Meg would be far more comfortable with a woman tending to her than a man and a small boy. Now go do what I requested and make sure that Sam went for Paul Martin. I’ll call you in a minute and tell you how we are doing.”

”Are you sure?”

“Am I sure? I am a woman and I am very sure. Go away, now!” Barbara said firmly.

Ben patted Meg’s hand gently and reluctantly did what Barbara had directed.

“Now, Meg, my sweet. You tell me what is going on here.” Barbara smiled and gently smoothed the damp, blond hair off Meg’s brow as the door closed behind Ben.

 

Chapter 4

 

By the time Joe thundered into the yard on the back of Cochise everything was finished and done and over. As he looped his reins around the hitching rail, Doc Martin was walking out to his buggy. Eric was trailing behind him carrying the doctor’s hat for him.

Joe jumped off of his horse “What happened? One of the men told me to come right back to the house. That Pa sent for me. What is going on?” Joe was trying to control the panic that was rising in his throat.

For Joe, this was too much like reliving his worst nightmare. Over five years earlier, Joe had been at the same lumber camp when one of the men was sent to fetch him back home. That time it was because Hoss was shot dead during in the bank hold up. Hoss had died protecting Sammy.

 Then as now, Joe rode Cochise home at a break neck pace.
”She will be fine, just let her rest now. Paul Martin took his hat from Eric’s hands and put it on his head. He swung his leather bag into the back of his buggy and walked over towards Joe.

”Joe, Joe!” Eric ran over to his uncle and pulled on his sleeve excitedly. “ Meg is sick. Meg is sick.”

”She lost the baby, Joe.” Doc said gently. He put his hand on Joe’s shoulder.

“The baby?” Joe was totally confused. What on earth was Doc talking about? Eric was walking right beside him. What baby?

Joe looked at him and grabbed his arm” What baby?” The only baby he could think of was Eric. But Eric was no longer a baby and he was standing right there in the dusty yard. How could he be lost? Did they misplace Adam’s Jessica? What was the Doc talking about?

”She wasn’t that far along.  Joe.” Paul Martin started to explain. Joe looked at him blankly. “From your face it’s clear to me that you certainly didn’t know she was expecting. Don’t think she was quite sure of it either, son. It was real early, Joe. Just let her rest up. She’ll be just fine.”

Joe’s jaw dropped at the remark. That was what Meg was telling him when he left for the lumber camp. When he came home, she might have something to surprise him with. He stupidly thought his wife was flirting with him or baking him a cake or had purchased some livestock or it was about some dinner guest.

”She’ll be fine?” Joe repeated Doc Martin’s last sentence. Joe didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t even digested the first piece of information that his wife had lost a baby that he didn’t even know they were expecting. When Joe had left the house that morning Meg was teasing him about going dancing on Saturday night and that he was working too much all the time to have fun any more.

 “She was going to have a baby? We were going to have a baby?” Joe felt his breath catch in his throat and heart skip a beat. “A baby?”

Paul nodded. ”Joe, Meg’s young and strong. Just wait a couple or three months and let her rest up and you’ll have plenty of babies. Joe, you just stay away from her and let her heal up and she will be just fine.”

“Stay away from her?” Joe had no idea what Paul meant.

”Let her rest, Joe and she will be fine.” He took his hat from Eric and got into his buggy.

Joe strode inside without even realizing he hadn’t said good night to the doctor as he drove off. Eric raced into the house behind his troubled uncle.

“Joe! Joe!” Eric hollered. His uncle had never ignored him like that when he came home. The little boy knew something was very wrong.

Ben was sitting wearily in his chair holding baby Jessica on his lap. Sam got up from his seat by the hearth and greeted his uncle.  “Mama is upstairs sitting with Aunt Meg. She came with Doc Martin. Miss Barbara is up there too. She and I were the ones who found Aunt Meg.”

“ Uncle Joe!” Elizabeth ran over and hugged him around his knees.

Joe gently pulled away from her affections. “Not now, Elizabeth.”

“She’ll be fine Joe, Meg is resting comfortably now. Barbara has been up there with her most of the afternoon, the whole time. She said you should go up to Meg when you came home.“

”Pa?” Joe started.

“Joseph before you say anything else…Meg is fine. She is going to be just fine. So you just catch your breath before you go upstairs and don’t let her see you looking so spooked and crazy. You’ll scare the life out of her. Sit down here a minute and collect yourself. I don’t want Meg to see you until you calm down, son. Let her be.”

”No Pa, I got to go up there,” Joe rushed anxiously over to the stairs.

“Joseph! Right now. Get over here.” Ben demanded.

Joe had his hand on the oak newel post. He froze at his father’s harsh tone. “Doc said Meg lost a baby.” Joe replied. “I need to see her.”

“Right now, Joseph. Sit down right here for a bit. Meg will be just fine upstairs in bed for one more minute until you get up to her. Leave her alone,” Ben repeated.

Joe stood still for a minute.

“ Sammy, go take the children into the kitchen and have Hop Sing and Trudy start giving them some supper.” Ben said firmly.

Sam nodded “I’m sorry about Aunt Meg, Uncle Joe,” He took the baby from his grandfather and shooed the little ones into the kitchen.

 “Pa, I got to go upstairs and see her. I need to see her.”

” What you need right now doesn’t matter one bit right now, Joseph. You had better think hard about what you are going to say to your wife before you walk into your bedroom and burst out with something about YOUR disappointment. Meg is going to take this hard. Very hard. That is her nature. You better be good to her, Joseph. She needs your love and care now. And if you put your foot in your mouth you can never take it back.”

”But, Pa,” Joe started to say something but Ben firmly cut him off. “You better be real sweet and patient with that girl or you have me to answer too.” Ben glared at his son.

Joe sighed and swallowed hard. He slumped into his father’s favorite chair. Burying his head in his hands, Joe tried to pull himself together. His heart was still pounding from the wild ride home. He felt a consoling hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his father standing over him.

“She was going to have a baby..” Joe’s voice broke. He still hadn’t really absorbed the information.

“You are disappointed son,” Ben stood next to his son. Joe nodded biting his lip.

 “Joseph, if you are disappointed, think how she felt. Think of your wife first, Joe.  You didn’t even know this baby was coming until it was gone. Meg knew. She was waiting to tell you when you came home. That is what she told Barbara.”

Joe nodded and looked at his boots.

“You’ll have other children.” Ben looked over his frightened youngest son and could see Joe’s lip quivering. Reaching out, he laid his hand on the younger man’s shoulder and gave a small squeeze. “It’s going to be fine Joe. You can handle this. I know you can, the both of you. Just you remember what I said. There will be many more babies for you two.”

“I’ll handle things now. Pa. If I can’t, I’ll come get you. Deal?” Joe blinked back his tears now gazing into his father’s tired face.

Ben nodded his head and said gently. “That’s a deal, son.”

Joe nodded. “Thanks Pa. Thanks for taking care of my Meg until I got home.”

Ben shrugged. He gently squeezed his son’s sagging shoulder and then slapped him on the back. “Go tend to your wife, son.”

Joe dashed up the stairs two at a time to his beloved Meg. Ben stared wearily into the fire. He truly hoped he was right.

 

Chapter 5

 

Mid-December, 1874

The Ponderosa Ranch

 “Ask him,” Kate said emphatically as she spooned some mashed potatoes into Jessica’s round open mouth. “Just ask Joe and stop letting your mind imagine things.”

“More!” Jessica grabbed at her mother’s hand when she slowed down. Kate handed the baby the spoon and shaped her hand around the handle.
”Feed yourself Jessie,” Kate urged and her daughter dug into her lunch. “Talk to Little Joe, Meg.”

Eric Cartwright was oblivious to the conversation at the table as he sat next to his cousins finishing his lunch. He chewed happily on his slice of cherry pie. Elizabeth, on the other hand was intrigued by the conversation between her mother and her pretty blond aunt.

”I can’t.” Meg sat opposite her sister in law and pushed the uneaten food around on her plate.

“Can’t what?” Elizabeth interjected. “Mama, what can’t Aunt Meg do?” Everyone ignored her question and Elizabeth Cartwright was not used to being ignored.

“Meg, I have known Joe most of my life and he would never do anything like that. Never! He loves you.” Kate spoke in vague terms, as she knew the children were listening to the discussion. “Adam and I would be blessed if our girls married a man who loved them as much as Joe loves you; even half as much.”

”I’ll talk to him later.” Meg said nervously. The loss of the baby and the last few weeks of ill health that followed had shaken her self-confidence.

 “Ask him and ask him now.” Kate cut a piece of bread into little squares and put it in front of her younger daughter and turned to her older daughter. “Elizabeth eat your food.”

”Tomorrow, when we are alone.”

”Don’t loose sleep over idle gossip, Meg. Ask Joe now, as soon as he comes into the house. He should have been home for lunch a half hour ago.”
”Can I split Uncle Joe’s piece of pie with Eric?” Sam asked eyeing the last piece of dessert.

“Uncle Joe will be here any minute. Don’t you dare touch his pie,” told her son firmly as she wiped the baby’s chin. “Elizabeth, finish your lunch.” The little girl was sulking that she was being ignored. No one even cared.

As soon as Joe walked in the front door he sensed there was something wrong. He tossed his hat on the hook by the door and unbuckled his gun belt. He laid it on the hall console.

“Now go talk to him!” He heard Kate direct his wife from the dining room.

“I don’t know if I can,” Meg responded in an uncharacteristically soft voice.

“You need to talk to your husband.” Kate repeated louder. “And Sam Cartwright you better stop drooling over that pie. Uncle Joe just walked in the door.”

”Sorry I’m late,” Joe started. His voice dropped of when he saw everyone’s eyes fixed on him.

 The family had already finished lunch and his wife was strangely silent as she sat at her regular place at the foot of the table stirring her cup of coffee. Kate stood up, holding the wide-awake baby in her arms and shooed the children outside. “Sam, you need to stow away those things in the tack room before Papa and Grand pa come back. Elizabeth and Eric need to get some fresh air. Let Uncle Joe and Aunt Meg have their privacy. The baby needs a nap. She is half asleep all ready. Now all of you go outside. Scoot.”
Eric obediently stood up from his place and put his napkin in his the silver ring just as his Aunt Meg had taught him.

“But Mama, Auntie Meg didn’t see my new petticoats yet.” Elizabeth sat stock-still and tried to avoid leaving. She wanted to see what was going to happen between Uncle Joe and Aunt Meg. “It has ribbons and eyelet on the edge, Auntie. Lace too!”

“Elizabeth, Eric, go outside right now!” Kate repeated.

Meg stood up from the table and before Joe could walk into the dining room. “I need to talk to you.”

Joe swallowed hard. Meg had never spoken to him in such a sharp tone. Joe’s eyes widened.“ Now?” He was very hungry and had work to do.

Meg nodded and he followed her back towards Ben’s desk. ”Are you leaving?” she asked him abruptly.

“Leaving? I just got here. I’m really hungry,” Joe started to go back to the dining room.

“Are you leaving?’ Meg repeated. She stood next to the desk blocking Joe’s path.

”Sure right after breakfast tomorrow. That is why Adam and Katie brought Sammy over. He is going with us. Robert too.” His mind was on moving the herd before the bad weather closed in not on anything his wife was worried about. He had a long list of chores to do before they left in the morning and his older nephew was not very enthusiastic about helping with the cattle but agreed to go along to accompany Robert O’Mara.

“That isn’t what I meant, Joe.” She was afraid to ask her husband the question but far more afraid to hear his answer.

“You mean right now? I want to eat something and then I have to check that crew up on the North Pasture now and bring up the work schedules. Want to come up for a ride? Get some fresh air? “ Joe smiled weakly. He had no clue what was bedeviling his wife. “Katie can mind Eric until Pa gets back. And I can hitch up the team so you can ride nice and comfortable.” Joe started. He kneeled down and gathered up the little wooden horses Elizabeth had left on the floor near the bookshelves. “Eric hasn’t played with these in a long time. Glad Elizabeth got him to use them again.”

“Joe, look at me!” Meg demanded. She pulled on his blue chambray shirt. “Are you leaving me? I need to know.”

He put one of the little wooden horses in his trouser pocket for lack of any other place.

”Leaving you? I’m going up to the North Pasture,” Joe looked up at her over his shoulder and suddenly realized that Meg was upset about something more than him being late for lunch and the children leaving toys scattered about. He stood up and dusted off his pants. ”Meg? What’s going on? I’m really sorry I’m late for lunch but we just got backed up.” Joe straightened up and looked right into her blue eyes.

”No that’s not what I mean Joe Cartwright,” She had her mouth set in a firm angry line “Are you leaving me? Do you want me to go back home to Placerville for good? Do you want to leave me?”

”I won’t ever leave you! Why would you think that?”

Meg stared at him. “How you act.

Joe looked at her. “How I act?”

“You won’t come near me. You stay away from me and when ever I come near you, you avoid me.”

Joe looked down at the floor and nervously kicked at the knotted fringe edging the rug. “I don’t avoid you, I .. I .. I’ve been working and all. It’s been very busy.”

”Joe, It is the slowest time of the year around here. And you fall asleep on the settee or while you are reading to Eric in his bed half the time and whenever I go to kiss you, you pull away from me.”

Joe swallowed hard and tried to figure out what to say. He bit his lip and picked at an imagined speck on his sleeve.

“Are you seeing someone else, Joe? Is there another woman?” Meg stepped very close to him and put her hand on his sleeve.

“No! No Meg, never. I could never do that.”

”Then what is going on, Joe? For the last month you haven’t so much as kissed me!” Meg asked.

“Five weeks and two days,” Joe said softly. “Doc said I should let you get better. He said that I should stay away from you Meg.”

”Stay away?”

”He said to let you heal up and you would be fine. From the loosing the baby and all. He said I should … should…” He stammered awkwardly. “Doc Martin said I should let you alone, stay away from you. And, I love you so much, Meg. I couldn’t be near you and …and stay away from you. I didn’t want to hurt you, Meggie,” He turned red and opened and closed his mouth much like a fish out of water as he struggled to explain his behavior to his wife. He had lived his all his life with entirely with men and was totally at a loss for what to do or say in this regard. Joe Cartwright, the ladies man knew all about romancing a pretty woman but dealing with this situation was as unknown to him as calculus or speaking Latin or singing Italian grand opera. This was all lady stuff and he didn’t know how to explain what was in his heart and his mind.

Joe was too embarrassed about his personal dilemma to discuss this with Kate and just did what he thought was appropriate. Joe was totally out of his element. He certainly couldn’t go to his father about this especially after Ben had sternly warned Joseph to take good care of his wife or Joe would have to answer to him.

He would sooner die that hurt his beloved Meg.

“I thought you were leaving me. I thought you were seeing someone else. You never stayed away from me like that. You don’t even kiss me.”

”I couldn’t just kiss you, Meggie and not… and not…”Joe stopped short. He swallowed hard and tried to come up with the right words. He stammered. Meg, you know you make me wild.”

“I was worried that you were leaving me,” Meg’s eyes welled up with tears.

“I would never, ever leave you Meg. Never. I promise you. No matter what, I would die first. ,” He smiled and stood up. He took a tentative step to be closer to his wife.

”You promise?” She whispered. Her lips were trembling. She was terrified to hear his answer but she needed to know. “Swear!”

“With all my heart Meggie. You can’t get rid of me so easily. I’ll follow you wherever you go and hog tie you bring you back home. I love you!” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her gently into his chest. “Now try to get away from me, Meggie!” He challenged holding her tightly in his grasp. Holding her close he dared her to break away. “Try!” He laughed awkwardly. Joe realized that Meg was really upset. His wife was not just playing with him and picking a fight so they could enjoy making up.

She squirmed in his grip. “But some people said..”

Some people said what?” Joe laughed not accepting that she was beginning to believe the gossip about him. “That I am the luckiest man ever? That I love you so much I can’t even think straight.” He gave her a quick kiss on her lips. She didn’t kiss him back.

She started to cry and squirm from his grasp.

”What are you crying about? Did I hurt you Meg, I really didn’t mean to hold you so tight.” He dropped his hold on her and smoothed his hand gently over her soft cheek. “I’m sorry, guess I don’t know my own strength.”

“No, it is just that … that people say you are seeing other women.” Meg wept.

“What people? The hands? Pa? Eric? Certainly not anyone with any sense, Meg. What do I need other women for when I have a wife like you?” He grinned and tried to hug her again. Meg pulled away from him and stood staring at her husband.

”I just thought…” tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stood shaking next to him.

 “You thought what?” Joe whispered, “What did you think Meg?” Joe was scared to death. Meg wasn’t teasing him or playing a foolish game to get his attention. He had never seen his wife so upset over anything. Joe couldn’t bear to see how upset she was.

”I thought you were leaving me for another woman. Some of the women in town said that you were… stepping out on me. That you would never settle down with only one woman. ” There she had said it.

”Meg, never. I haven’t been with anyone but you…” Joe was so furious that he couldn’t even think clearly. Never ever… not since the day I first met you. Not from that first time in the auction yard when I was with my cousin Will. Not from that day on. Ask him. Ask Adam and Katie… or Pa. You know that Never. I love you to the moon and back and I’ll never ever hurt you or leave you ever. Never, Meg!” It all burst out in a rush of emotion.

“Well I thought …”

“Meg, I will never, ever leave you. Never! There is no one else.” Joe voice got louder.

”I thought…”

“You thought wrong Meg,” Joe shouted” Really wrong. Meg I gave you my word. I never lied to you! Never! Did you ever lie to me?”

She broke away from his gaze. And turned her back to him. She couldn’t hold her tears off any more and started sobbing. Her breath was coming in tearing gasps. She was sobbing so hard that she could hardly get the words out.

“Meg?” His heart stood still. “Did you ever lie to me, Meg?” Joe was afraid to hear the answer to this question but he had to know. He turned her around gently to face him.

”Meg did you ever lie to me?” he repeated firmly. He put both hands powerfully on her shoulders and forced her to face him. “Meg?” His voice shook. Now it was Joe Cartwright’s turn to be frightened. His heart pounded in his chest.

“Once, just once,” she wailed. “With the cards, I lied about the cards.” She threw her self into her husband’s arms. Meg and hid her face in Joe’s collar and sobbed.

”Cards?” Joe had no idea what she was talking about as he held her close for the first time in too long.

“In Placerville, the cards. I lied about the cards.” She sobbed. Joe patted her across her back trying to calm his wife down the same way he held Eric when the child woke from a nightmare. “I lied to you. When you wanted me to marry you. When you made me draw cards. I had the Queen of hearts and I lied to you.”

Joe smiled “You had the Queen of hearts? Meg you told me you had the two of diamonds,” He held his cheek against her soft hair and held her as close as he could. It was the first time in weeks that Joe let himself hold her so close for so long. “You lied that I had won the card draw so I could marry you?”

He felt her nod her head, “I lied Joe, just that once.” She wept into his broad shoulder. Meg couldn’t see his face as he smiled.

“Meg, I trust you with my life, you’ll have to trust me too. I love you Meg. I love you to the moon and back. Can’t you see that?” He said gently. “Forever, Meg.”

”What about all the babies you want? You said you wanted a dozen children. What if I can’t have any?

“I don’t care about babies. I care about you! We have Eric and if we can’t have any more than that is what it will be. You and me and Eric. And if we can have babies of our own that’s what it will be. You and me and Eric and a whole herd of babies. Do you understand that? I’m happy as long as I have you.”

He felt her nod as he held her. “Yes,” Meg whispered.

 He smoothed her hair as she wept into his shoulder. “I love you Meg. I’ll never leave you. Never. I promise. As long as I have breath in me, Meg.I swear.”

It was a cool day, but the sharp mountain wind wasn’t the only reason he felt chilled to his bones. Joe had finally realized what was bothering his wife for so long. She thought he was leaving her. Meg thought he had another woman and he would leave her. For an instant he was ready to jump on Cochise and ride into town and kill who ever had hurt his wife with their vicious gossip

 

Chapter 6

 

On the porch, Sam Cartwright had his little sister sitting on his shoulders. She was peering into the high window located behind their grandfather’s desk.

“I think Uncle Joe won the fight. Elizabeth reported from the window. “He is smiling but Aunt Meg is crying.

“She is crying?” Sam asked he held his little sister up more so she could see into the high window. “Did Uncle Joe make her cry?” Elizabeth shifted to see better and planted her shoe into Sam’s ribs. Sam grunted and gently shifted his sister’s foot.

“Don’t cry Meg.” Eric whispered as he sat on the floor.

“Yes but they are kissing too. She is kissing Uncle Joe and he is kissing Auntie. And hugging. She is hugging him and Uncle Joe is hugging her back. She is smiling and hugging him back “Elizabeth reported. She stood on her brother’s shoulder as she spied out of the window behind her grand father’s desk. The Sam and Elizabeth had snuck over to the window hoping to find out what their aunt and uncle were arguing about. Eric had followed them.

“Meg is kissing Joe,” Eric smiled as he repeated Elizabeth’s report.

“Is Uncle Joe kissing her back?” Sam asked as he shifted his grip on his sister’s ankles.

“Yes! Just like in happily ever after!”

“Joe is kissing Meg,” Eric was very pleased.

The children were so caught up in their spying that they didn’t even notice Adam approaching from the barn.

“Get down from there Elizabeth Miriam Cartwright. Sam put her down right now! What are you children doing? Are you all snooping on Uncle Joe and Aunt Meg? Adam reprimanded his children as he came onto the porch. He was aghast at the scene.

“Not me Pa, just Elizabeth,” Sam reasoned. “I’m not looking. I’m just holding her up so she can see into the window. You and Ma always tell me to take care of my sisters and help them when they ask.”

“And what is Eric here doing?” Adam angrily demanded. Eric looked up innocently at his uncle from his seat on the steps. His soft short blonde hair was standing up in tufty cowlicks like the fuzz on a baby chick.

”He is keeping watch, Papa.” Elizabeth smiled sweetly at her father as Sam lowered her carefully to the floor of the porch. She smoothed her green skirt and smiled up sweetly at her father.

Sam shook his head at Eric. “You were supposed to tell us if anyone was coming Eric.”

”Uncle Adam is here,” Eric nodded and announced belatedly. He stood up and tugged at Sam’s sleeve. “Uncle Adam is here.”

“You didn’t do a very good job, Eric,” Elizabeth shook her ebony curls. “You were the guard and you didn’t watch out enough.”

Adam was aghast at her audacity to the little boy. It took a lot for her to upset her father but this behavior certainly did. Elizabeth had manipulated both Eric and her older brother into being her patsies as she spied on Joe and Meg arguing in the house.

“Get down this minute. You all know it is wrong to eavesdrop and spy on people! “ Adam shouted. “You know how I hate snooping Elizabeth Cartwright!”

Sam looked up at Adam “They made up Pa.” Sam smiled with relief.

 “I am sure Mama is very interested in what is going on between Uncle Joe and Auntie Meg but would never intrude.”

“Aren’t you so delighted Papa?” Elizabeth smiled sweetly and took her father’s big hand in her tiny one. “Isn’t that nice that Uncle Joe and Aunt Meg are kissing and not fighting?”

“They are kissing not fighting.” Eric repeated. “Joe and Meg are kissing.”
” And they lived happily ever after.” Elizabeth smiled up at her father. “Just like you and Mama!”

Adam laughed shaking his head. Whatever was going on between Joe and Meg seemed to have blown over. And Princess Elizabeth had melted the will of all her loyal subjects once again. “Go inside, it is getting cold.” Adam shooed the children back inside.

As they came in the front door, Adam could see his brother and Meg walking hand in hand into the kitchen. “I’ll be out in a minute. Meggie is going to get me some lunch.”

From the corner of his eye, Adam saw a flash of a red dress on the other side of the room. He looked up and saw his wife flatten herself out against the stairway wall on the landing holding the baby in her arms. “Hi!” the baby squealed seeing Adam down below. “Hi Papa!”

Like mother, like daughter Adam smiled to himself. Kate was eavesdropping on Joe and Meg too only she was hiding on the landing.

“Hi Katie!” He hollered. “If you want to be invisible, don’t wear that pretty red dress. And tell Jessica she needs to be much more quiet if you two are hiding out and spying.”

 

Chapter 8

 

February 10, 1875

Darling,

Dinner with the Victors next Saturday Night sounds lovely. I am so looking forward to seeing you. Judge Marsden and his wife and the Martins will be there too.

Affectionately,

Barbara

 

Chapter 9

 

Early February 1875

The Ponderosa Ranch

It was the end of the day and it was getting dark. Joe had just noticed that this week the days seemed to be lengthening again. It was a bit brighter when he got home at the end of the day. The air smelled slightly fresher. At midday the sun was strong and there was just a bit of snowmelt on the southern facing slopes. Not much of a melt but just enough to make the rancher feel there was a faint promise of spring coming.

He looked up at the sky. There was still some brightness in the west as the sun set but the bare trees were inky black shadows and near the house and barn it was very dark. Joe suddenly felt that someone’s eyes were on him. He felt the hair stand up on the back of his neck.

As Joe walked toward the house from the barn he could see a figure sitting in the shadows. He tried to see who it was and for an instant feared it was an intruder. He slid his hand to his holster just in case. As he got closer, Joe smiled realizing it was his wife, Meg.

 “It’s freezing out here, Meggie.”he called. She was sitting on the bench near the front door watching him walk from the barn. Her cheeks were all rosy pink from the cold. She was wearing her blue wool coat, but it was unbuttoned and she wasn’t wearing any hat or gloves. “What are you doing out here, Buttercup? “

“Nothing, sitting waiting for you, Joe.” She looked up at him as he stepped onto the porch. Her blue eyes shined as she stood up and hugged her husband. “I heard you ride in.”

“Its so cold your lips are going to stick together.” He took off his glove and ran his finger affectionately down her soft cheek.

”Then warm them up for me!” Meg smiled and wrapped her arms around Joe’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. “I missed you so!”

”I was only gone a few hours.” He laughed. “I was only up to check on those horses and then I came right back.” Hugging her in his arms again was like holding onto the summer sun. “I think we should buy most of them. I’ll take you up so you can take a look.”

She kissed Joe again. “I missed you. It felt much longer. More like days and days. Weeks even, many, many, many weeks”.

“I missed you too, Meggie.” He took off his hat and kissed her again. “This is an awful nice welcome home.”

”Your father took Eric into town. He wanted to see Adam about something or other then to have dinner with Levi Victor and his wife and some others. “

“Dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Victor? Are they all staying in town tonight?”

Meg nodded with a warm smile. “At Adam’s, I suppose. Your father said that he and Eric were sleeping in town. Then they are all going to church in the morning. Katie said we should come to Sunday dinner there if we wanted. Or not.”

“Or not?” Joe tilted his head. That was a strange invitation. “What does ‘or not’ mean, Meg?”

His wife ignored his remark and just continued on cheerfully, “And Hop Sing is visiting some relative in town too. He left dinner for us all made.”

“So we are all alone?” Joe realized.

She nodded and smiled seductively. “All alone.”

“All alone?” Joe raised his eyebrows and smiled devilishly. Meg nodded.

“Then why are we kissing out here on the cold porch?” Joe said softly. Meg laughed as Joe scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the warm, empty house.