The Tiger Puzzle (by Robin)

Summary:   A REALLY Lost Episode

Word Count:  1175

 

 

                                             The Tiger Puzzle

 

 

Chapter One – Adam

A lovely blonde in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Adam Cartwright on the Ponderosa. The wire read:

Please come to San Francisco STOP I need help STOP have a killer jigsaw puzzle STOP can’t figure out how to get it started STOP love Mary Bleudress.

Darkly handsome and ever helpful to a lady in distress, Adam immediately dropped everything and rode like the wind to her side. He knocked at the door and she let him in.

“OO la la Adam! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.” Mary said helplessly.

Mary was the eldest of three sisters. Their father was one of Ben’s oldest, long lost friends and the two men had always hoped one of the Cartwright boys of the Ponderosa would eventually marry one of the Bleudress girls of San Francisco.

After Adam Cartwright politely paid his respects to Mary’s father, Schmeckie Bleudress, and made small talk about Ben and Hoss and Joe and the price of cow pies and sheep dip, Mary smiled and said “Enough of this manly man talk, Father. I want Adam to help me with my killer jigsaw puzzle.” She grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled him to the parlor as her two lovely younger sisters, Sally Sue and Bazoomy, retired to their boudoir to sew blue bridesmaid‘s dresses.

Adam asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” He followed the attractive but dimwitted girl inside.

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Adam decides to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him the puzzle spread over the table.

Adam studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” Adam shook his head and sighed. Mary was very pretty but not the brightest candle in the chandelier.

He took her hand and said, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then….” Adam sighed, “Let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

 

Chapter Two – Hoss

A blonde in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Hoss Cartwright on the Ponderosa, and says, “Please come to San Francisco STOP I need help STOP have a killer jigsaw puzzle, STOP can’t figure out how to get it started STOP love Sally Sue  Bleudress.”

Sally Sue was the second of the three sisters, as dumb as her older sister and a bit heftier.

Hoss immediately dropped everything and rode like the wind to her side, a big wind as Hoss was a big cowboy and he had also just eaten beans. He knocked at the door and she let him into the Bleudress home. “OO la la Hossie Wossie! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.”

Hoss asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” He followed her inside. Sally Sue was a pretty girl and there was a lot of her.

The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Hoss decided to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him the puzzle spread over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said gently, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

Hoss took her hand in his large one and said, “Second, bring me a big bowl, a pitcher of milk and a spoon. I’m mighty hungry.” Hoss grinned hungrily.

 

Chapter Three – Little Joe

The last blonde sister in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Little Joe Cartwright on the Ponderosa and said, “Please, please, please come to San Francisco STOP I need help STOP have a killer jigsaw puzzle, STOP can’t figure out how to get it started STOP love Bazoomy Bleudress.”  Bazoomy was the third of three sisters.

Little Joe immediately dropped everything and rode his coffee-drinking pinto, Cochise, like the wind to her side.

Little Joe knocked at the door and Bazoomy let him in. “Oh Little Joe! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.” She is the smartest of the three sisters.

Little Joe winked and asked, as if he really cared, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished, Bazoomy?” He followed her inside, eyeing her up and down and shifting his mighty tight tan pants. It was a long lonely winter on the Ponderosa and a long lonely ride to San Francisco and Bazoomy looked mighty appealing.

“Where is your father? My Pa sent his regards,” Joe said politely.

“Papa and my sisters are out at Starbucks. They took Cochise along. They won‘t be back for hours and hours and hours.”

“Aha,” Joe winked. Now he knew Bazoomy was the smartest of the sisters for sure.

Bazoomy winked back creating a huge updraft with her false eyelashes. The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Smiling, Joe decided to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle, at least for a moment until things get a bit friendlier. She let him in and showed him the puzzle spread over the table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

“No!?” Bazoomy asks eyeing Little Joe up and down and licking her pert red lips. She also batted her eyelashes and eyes him down and up and up and down again.

He took her hand in his and said, “It is a picture of a gal, a pert neked gal, Miss Bazoomy. If you would jest take off your clothes so I can get a real good look at what the picture is supposed to look like… and turn down that lamp and open up that bottle of wine over there…”

“Oh me oh my! Little Joe!” Bazoomy swooned as she wiggled her bustle at him. She was glad she was wearing her best Victoria’s secret undies just for the occasion.

“By the way, did I ever tell you about my dead Mama and how much you resemble her?” Little Joe winked as the girl started unbuttoning her blue dress.

“Oh you Tiger, you!” Bazoomy whispered.

 

The End

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