Heath’s Hair Lament (by Sandi)

Summary:  A Big Valley poem.
Category:  Poetry
Rated:  PG
Word Count:  388


I rode into this Valley, Tom Barkley’s lost heir.

I didn’t know family acceptance would depend on the color of my hair.

Now of my sandy locks, I hadn’t given much thought.

But my sis Audra was of a mind that yeller hair would make me look hot.

I was coaxed into the kitchen, the pump was duly primed.

With this mustard potion, my head was soon completely slimed.

My nose started to burn.  My eyes started to tear.

Oh no!  Was that jingly spurs I hear?

Nick will chortle.  His laughter will without a doubt be loud.

He’ll rib me mercilessly seeing me in this shroud.

“Hold still Heath,” my dear sister counseled me.

Here comes Nick.  His big toothy grin I see.

“Well what have we here?  Why’s your head in a towel boy?”

“I’m making Heath gorgeous.”  Audra’s eyes danced with joy.

“Is that a fact?”  My brother’s laughter rolled around the room.

Why did I suddenly have the feeling of deep dark gloom?

Finally it was time to rinse the stuff out.

The towel came off and from Nick there was a shout.

“Boy you ain’t goin’ into town lookin’ like that!”

“What’s the matter Nick?  Sis, you’d better get me a mirror to gander at.”

My eyes still smarted, my reflection was rather hazy

But boy howdy, I could see I had hair the color of a yeller daisy.

“How do I change it back?” I rather rudely inquired.

“Well, some more brown would be required.

Of that I do not have to give.  There is no reason

Fact is, you’ll have to wear it like this all season.

Until next year when the brown flowers are in bloom

I’ll make a dye and plaster it on your head in this room

In the meantime, the is sure to mellow.

You’re still to me (and others) a most handsome fellow.

Still if it is so that when you go

Into a bar and your hair causes a spat

Maybe it would be best if you never removed your hat.”

***The End***

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